Lost In The Dark

Chapter 5

The days began to blur into each other. We drove for hours on end, rested for a few hours, and then performed, we signed autographs and took pictures with fans. Then it was time to get back on the road. It was absolutely exhausting! The only thing that made it better was having Dahvie by my side, I had never been happier. The friendship between us stayed more or less the same, we always hung out and played Super Mario Cart, we joked around playing little pranks on each other and on the rest of the crew, we once drew a mustache on our body guard in permanent marker, you should have heard him scream when he looked in the mirror the next morning, he had to walk around with the mustache for a whole three days before it finally wore off. Dahvie liked to hide my liquor or replace the vodka with tap water, but I hid his favorite eyeliner and goggles as revenge. It was really fun, I loved being around him. That part of us stayed the same, then there was the more romantic qualities, we loved to snuggle on the couch and watch TV whenever possible, sometimes I'd sneak into Dahvie's room, or him into my bunk, and we'd fall asleep in each others arms. I know this sounds super cheesy but it's true. Being with Dahvie was just so easy, so natural, it was like breathing, it felt like something that came naturally. So that's how it was between Dahvie and I. Things were great, the tour was almost over and I was looking to our vacation in Salt Lake City, we hadn't told Dora and Maria yet, but we would, soon. Just thinking about it got me super excited. I couldn't stop myself from grinning as I thought about it. 

"What has you so happy Mr. Monroe?" Dahvie said. I looked to my right and smiled at Dahvie who was sitting beside me watching TV. 

"Just thinking about our vacation when the tour is over." I got a fluttering in my stomach again. I loved touring, and I loved our fans, but we were only human. We needed a break too.

Jayy was so excited. He was practically bouncing on the couch grinning like the joker! He was so cute, I rested my head on his shoulder and inhaled his lemony scent. His hair, despite the hair all the hair products he used, was still incredibly soft. I thought that if I could stay this way forever I would be happy forever. Sadly, we had another show today in Pomona California, then we would finish the tour in Tucson Arizona. I got up and went to get ready in the bathroom, Jayy got up and fallowed me, together we began to style our hair side-by-side. 

"Are you excited for the show tonight?" I asked Jayy. 

"Yes! I am totally stoked!" He replied. I finished teasing my hair and started on my makeup, beside me Jayy put on electric blue contacts and blinked a couple times to get them settled in. 

"Well, I'm ready!" I rolled my eyes and reached for my favorite Ultra Black Demon Eyes eyeliner, but instead of touching the smooth wood, I touched empty air. I looked around wildly, then I saw Jayy standing with his hands behind his back trying not to grin. 

"Jayy did you...give it back!" He burst out laughing and handed me my eyeliner, I snatched it back and glowered at him before turning back to the mirror. Finally, when I was ready I took out my laptop and decided to email Maria back. 

To: MariaIsInvisible@yahoo.com 

From: MrDahvieFuckingVanity@yahoo.com 

Watchu talking bout? Of course you won't bother us, in fact I WANT you to bother us, it gets boring being on the road for hours on end :( Anyways, the tour is almost over and we'll be able to get in touch more often :D It's great that you and Dora are happy, I wish both of you the best <3>

-Dahvie and Jayy 

Having sent it, I laid back and relaxed for a while. I must have dozed off because Jayy was shaking my shoulder telling me it was time to do sound check, I yawned widely and stretched my arms to the side. Grumpily I stood up and walked to the front of the bus, the night was warm and humid, we were parked behind the building and I could ear the buzzing of voices and the occasional high pitched whine of the microphone. Trudging off the bus and onto the warm asphalt, I let myself into the venue. Inside was a lot more stuffy and cooler than outside, there was a fog machine getting tested out, Davey and the guys were getting their things set up, Jeffree was probably drinking in his bus or still getting ready. I leaned against a darkened corner of the room and relaxed, I had the nervous butterflies I always got before performing. Jayy walked in and looked around for a moment, then he turned and saw me, he gave me a smile and walked over to stand by me. We stood quietly, observing the organized chaos of getting things ready. Tonight was going to be great, I could feel it, but I still felt somewhat homesick for Utah. Sensing my melancholiness, Jayy slipped his hand into mine and gave it a soft squeeze, I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a quick peck on the lips. 

"Better go help setting up," I pulled away from him and went to go help the crew.

I watched Dahvie go, he was such a nice guy, always helping and shit. We still had another couple hours or so before we would go on stage. Right now I had time to kill, I took out my iPhone and decided to check out Dora's and Maria's Facebook page. I found Dora and sent her a friend request, while I waited for her to accept I sent a request to Maria. Dora responded almost immediately, I looked through her statuses, most of them where vague and uninteresting, she didn't have many pics, none of her and Maria, though her profile did say "in a relationship" I guess they hadn't gone public yet. Dora had a little over a hundred friends, I guess she didn't have many friends. Maria then accepted my request and I decided to check out her page. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Maria had forty-seven friends! Forty-seven! Many of them, I saw, had the same last name or were listed as family members. She had very few actual people her age added as friends. Her statuses ranged from music videos, to pictures from various band pages, to her statuses, which, mind you, had very few likes or comments. The thing that surprised me was that her statuses were very straight forward, they were raw with emotion and pain. I felt my heart break a little at this. After reading a few more statuses I went to check out her pictures, she had a whole album dedicated to the animals she worked with at a local animal shelter, then the rest of them where of her and her family, once again very few of them were with actual friends. I looked at the ones she had taken from the concert and smiled. This girl had a special place in my heart, never had I met someone as real and hurt as her. I was about to sign off when I saw the link to her notes. She had sixty-six of them! Sixty-six! I clicked on the most recent one. It was titled "Forever Unholy" As my eyes traveled down the page I felt goosebumps rise on my arms as I read her poem. When I had finished reading it, I was left with the feeling of loneliness, I read poem after poem, each portrayed the feeling of being invisible, an outcast, and even self-harm. I would never look at her the same way, I scrolled through her pictures again and looked closer, squinting my eyes at my screen I tried to see what it was about her pictures that seemed just a bit off. In all her her pictures she smiled sweetly, eyes slightly pointed down, or she would be full out beaming in happiness, but it was wrong. I felt my veins freeze when I realized what it was. I don't really know how to explain it, other than she was broken. So very broken, her pink full lips may have been smiling, and her eyes glowing, but behind that sheen of happiness there was a broken girl. She was hiding so much pain. I had to remember to give her a hug the next time I saw her, no one should have to suffer things like that, I wondered what had happened to her. Just then Dahvie came to get me, it was time to start the show. Signing off, I stood up and walked with Dahvie to the stage.

One more show to go! Jayy and I were currently sitting on the brown couch in the tour bus watching Adventure Time while the rest of the crew had gone out to eat. 

"Go Finn!" I shouted at the TV. "Save the pink bitch!" 

"Yeah! Slash that lemon piss in half!" Jayy joined in. 

In the end, Finn did save the princess, but all she gave him was a kiss on the cheek. Poor bastard. Beside me, Jayy decided to change the channel, he switched to a modeling show and began giving his commentary. 

"Aw hell no honey! That dress looks like a clown barfed up a rainbow on your dress...That looks like someone shat out your clothes and threw them in glitter...Puh-Lease! Are you seriously wearing those shoes with that top?" I chuckled and rested my head on his shoulder, Jayy rarely had those moments when he acted gayer than a unicorn frolicking through a field of rainbows and sunshine. Jayy wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. With Jayy beside me, sleep began to pull me down, his voice rich and deep lulled me to sleep.

Dahvie had fallen asleep. It was so cute, his lips were partially open, and his lashes casted long shadows under his cheeks. It wasn't long before I laid myself down on the couch and pulled Dahvie with me. I wrapped my arms around his front and closed my eyes.