Lost In The Dark

Chapter 10

The plane ride to Utah was spent mostly in silence, we were all exhausted from the amazing show the day before. Now we were on our way to spend a month, maybe two, with our new friends Dora and Maria. Jayy and I would spend the Holidays with them, it was about time, we were half dead from touring for months! Jayy sat beside me on the plane, he had the window seat since I was a teeny bit afraid of heights and always had this paranoia that I attracted bad luck and would make the plane crash or something like that. His head was leaning against the window, eyes closed, and breathing evenly, a strand of hair flopped onto his face, I smiled tiredly and tucked it behind his ear, Jayy mumbled in his sleep and tipped himself over so that he was resting on my shoulder, I blushed furiously and looked around, then I remembered that the only people on the plane besides us four, were the pilots and flight attendants, so I allowed myself the small comfort of resting my head against his. On the other isle, Dora and Maria were sound asleep, they had gotten up early to travel twelve hours to make it on time! They held hands while they slept, Maria was sleeping on Dora's shoulder. She looked so vulnerable, I remembered the way she channeled her pain before she sang, the way her eyes became bright with it, I wondered about that girl, what had made her like this? Then I remembered my own past, it wasn't something I liked to do, it brought back so much pain and made me remember my scars, I closed my eyes and willed the heavy thoughts away, but they wouldn't go, so I let them take me under.

Rough hands grab me by the hair, I claw at them and beg to be released, their laugh is cruel and hold no real happiness. I'm yanked up to see eye to eye with my tormentor, beautiful brown eyes framed with dark lashes look at me with hatred, how can something so beautiful be so horrid? I struggle in his grasp.

"It's things like you who make me sick!" He spits out and flings me onto the dirt floor, luckily foul smelling weeds break my fall. Christian looks down at me, sneering, he kicks dirt into my face. "You are nothing but sick faggot! Thank God you'll rot in hell! Look at you, wearing makeup and looking like a girl! You fucking faggot! You make me sick!" With that, he pulls his leg back and kicks me in the stomach, then he leaves without so much as a backwards glance, I close my eyes and try to take small breaths. When I arrive home I sneak up into my room and quickly change out of my dirty clothes, I wipe away the tears and practise smiling in front of the mirror for a few minutes before going downstairs and greeting my family. As I walk into the kitchen, my mom smiles, she sees nothing wrong.

It was nice pretending to be asleep and having Dahvie hold me, he was so warm and comfortable. Then his body went all stiff and he started shaking slightly. It reminded me of the night in the hotel, I take a peek at him from under my lashes and see that his eyes are closed, his hands are gripping the armrest so tightly I'm surprised they don't break. What happened to you Dahvie? Why won't you tell me? I continue to pretend to be asleep until Dahvie's body relaxes again, then I pretend to stir and wake up, I give Dahvie a sleepy smile and glance behind him to look at Dora and Maria, they're sleeping like the dead, cuddled up with each other, it's cute really. I look back at Dahvie, despite his smile and can see he's hiding something, his eyes seem darker somehow, I take his hand and frown at him.

"Dahv, you can tell me anything, you know that right?" His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, then he looks down ashamed, he takes a deep breath and says.

"I know Jayy, just...not now, I don't want to talk about it." He shakes his head and turns away, sighing inwardly I take his hand.

"Don't worry Dahvie, just...please tell me when you're ready." He gives a small nod, and I return to rest on his shoulder. We should be landing soon, I was eager to see where Dora and Maria lived, to meet their families and just hang out in general. The pilot came on over the speakers and told us to buckle our seat-belts because we'd be landing shortly, I bounced in my seat, excited to land, I looked outside the window and saw the thousands of buildings, the Mormon Temple, a giant black building with a pyramid on top of it, farther ahead there was the snow covered mountains and the Great Salt Lake, I stared amazed at it all. This was nothing like Las Vegas or any other place I'd ever been to before. I tugged on Dahvie's arm.