𝖉𝖊𝖈𝖆𝖞 {𝔠𝔥𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔭𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔬𝔩𝔬}

VII

valeriecoleman | third person

"valerie, what's happening?" the interviewer asks, "hi how are you?" she asks, "i am good, how are you?" he asks, "i am great, i am great. i'm going through a surreal moment right now" she smiles. "i feel like it's great to be valerie right now, i feel like you're everywhere right now. how's the love feel?"

"it feels surreal. i can't comprehend it like seeing everyone talk about me, it feels like it isn't me they're talking about" she explains, "its crazy" she says. "i love that. how's your life been recently like, you haven't long moved back from new york, right? so how's that feeling?" ej asks, "umm i've been okay. i had been dying to come back to LA since travis, who helps me record told me like a month before i was due back that they wanted me home before i was to release" she begins.

"i missed my friends. i did fly my bestfriend, frankie, out a few times and some other friends but overall new york was a lovely adventure of mine that i cannot wait to return to someday but i wanna have company next time. i'm not like a huuuuge social butterfly so being alone to write my music benefitted me so much" she says.

"im from new jersey myself and it's like two hours away from new york and being in LA right now is like a different world, would you agree?" he asks, "one hundred percent" she says, "it's literally insane. i'm originally actually from iowa but i moved to LA with my uncle at like thirteen and it's such a different vibe" she answers. "with new york too, i didn't know how to act at all" she adds.

"so you blew up online at like sixteen which you were in highschool for, did you like expect it or know it would've been like this?" he asks, "uhhh not really. obviously as a kid i wanted to be famous but i just posted my music as a way of like getting it out there i guess" she explains. "but um i didn't expect myself to grow my following as much as i did but i am really grateful" she smiles.

"i've always wondered for people who have tons of followers, is it overwhelming?" he asks, "yeah" she replies immediately, "what do you feel like is the most overwhelming part?" he asks, "you know, i just think it's the fact that, there are so many aspects that come with it, um, like i do have alot of mental health problems and i always have since i was a kid and i um.. you know coming on social media i thought it would've like kinda lift up my confidence by seeing all of the positive and reinforcement and like love from people that don't even know me" she says.

"but when you get more followers, you're.. you're gonna have more people that hate you and you have to realise that when you have that many eyes on you, not everyone's gonna like you, no matter who you are or what you do and um i think that kills. its so hard to see so many people that don't know you, hate you" she says, "and that's something im still trying to completely comprehend and understand because of my insecurity with being liked because i need a reason to like myself" she adds.

a few minutes later..

"so how did you get into music, like what was that somg you heard that made you think "i wanna do this"? is there a song?" he asks.

"yeah i mean um music has always been an on and off thing for me and i think thats a reason why i flew to new york for a while. when i went to new york i had a terrible time" she says, "i went to new york to write my ep for the soul reason that my relationship at the time was over, the wound was fresh and i had spent an entire month moping around my room, i barely took care of myself because it was all i had known for a long time and so one night i had the realisation, called my bestfriend up and booked a flight and hotel room that exact moment" she explains.

"and also i wasn't happy mentally with myself as a person like i just felt terrible and i um was already going into the studio a few months before this and uh we found it hard to write a song that was just speaking to me the way my music usually does. we have so many scrap lyrics that i just couldn't use because they hadn't felt right. i've wrote a few love songs but i don't think i could release them right now purely because of who they're about" she explains.

"do you feel like writing music is like therapy?" he asks, she nods, "yeah. i have millions of voice memos of me crying and singing whatever comes to mind" she says, she plays with her rings, anxiety hitting.

"so tell us about the songs on your ep, you were creative with the order of the tracklist too since your sixth song is called six feet under, what's that about?" he asks, "six feet under is referencing a past romance and despite the demise of the romance, i was still unable to get over my ex" she begins.

"when i lose myself, i still remember him, and wonder if the love, with the right kind of nourishment, can be rekindled" she says, "but if such an attempt were made, it probably wouldn't end well" she explains.

"wow that is a really deep meaning, what about happier?" he asks, "oh god" she laughs slightly.

"i wrote this literally a month after a breakup, i had seen the guy i was with start posting with another girl and i let the dating rumours get to my head and convinced myself she was far more prettier than i was. i felt terrible, i wanted him to miss me too but what i was seeing made me think he had forgot about me" she explains.

"i wanted him to be happy of course but considering i still miss him, i didn't want him to be happier, i wanted to be selfish" she explains, "it adds to my insecurities about noy being enough to someone" she says.

"this is one of my favourite ones. what is the story behind listen before i go?" he asks, "this one is the darkest song on the entire ep, it has a much deeper meaning" she says.

"i struggle alot with the thought of actually staying alive and being here. basically it's like, um it's about, it's just about depression, and what can come out of depression, which is not pretty good. i imply that i want to jump off of the rooftop i mention in the beginning then saying "if you need me, wanna see me, better hurry cause im leaving soon" adds to that implication" she explains.

"and i also say "call my friends and tell them that i love them, and tell them that i mis: them. sorry" is like a suicide not but summarised and like a message i guess" she says.

"its like part of what you'd say before an attempt like, um "i love you, i miss you and im so sorry but i couldn't take the pain" it's what i've written before" she says, "the song explains my brain and its scattered thoughts" she says. "sorry, i'm trying not to cry" she laughs lightly.

"that is such a beautiful song, i'm sure many can relate to your song, are you getting help with these thoughts?" ej asks, "yeah, i go to therapy once a week usually and my music is for people to relate too, i wanna keep it real with everyone" she says.

"alright, thank you valerie for coming on, it was a pleasure to have you" ej says. "thank you for having me i'll one hundred do this again! you were lovely" she smiles. "thank you" he smiles back.

"remember to follow my socials, @valeriecoleman and dont forget to stream my new debute ep, counting crimes out now" she smiles before saying her goodbyes and hanging up the call.

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