Surround me - the first novel

Chapter 65- possessive and emotionally consumed

Matty's POV

Another night spent with Taylor, another night that I pray won't be my last with her. It could be a message from Ross, it could be Rachel snapping and telling her the whole thing and this would all be over for me, for us. Ross calling me up and mentioning games almost ruined it all. I was so close to shouting down the phone, but I can't because she will realise somethings up.

How could I have known that things would escalate to us this soon? Whilst I was placing bets on her and egging Ross on I could not have foreseen the depth of this relationship. The fact that I would be buying her rings in a matter of days and thinking about a five year plan.

I just only hope I can keep a lid on it all. Any opportunity he gets Ross will capitalise on, and he'll end up laying with her all night, not me. I cannot have that.

Earlier, before we had sex downstairs I was so close to not using a condom again, she was completely lost underneath me. I had a brief thought of I don't want to wear this, I want her and I want everything with her. Looking at her and hair swirling around her chest, I mentally slapped myself around the face. We're going to have to talk about contraception, I need to gauge where she is with it all. Yet how do I explain to her that after a matter of weeks I want to see how things go, I want to see out the rest of my life with her.

Laying down with her and watching her sleep I decide I'm either crazy, possessive or emotionally consumed by a woman that is my entire world. First it's that I want to have her around me and nobody else, and then I want to punch any guy that glances at her. And then I'm planning days out to places she will like. Meeting her mum and buying her fine jewellery. I even nearly told her that I wanted to get her pregnant during sex earlier. I'm just completely consumed and I mentally apologise to all the girls I have messed with for making them feel even a fraction of this.

I look down at her sleeping pinching myself to check that this is all indeed real.

*** Flashback ***

Waking up with a girl on your mind isn't unusual. I glance down at my phone, I called her for four hours last night. She's really different to any girls I've met before. I found myself talking to her all night long and wanting to keep her talking for once instead of wanting to shut her down. I've woken up alone with such a hangover after the party at Ross' and I find myself wishing she was here to wake up to.

He seriously thinks he's got her. I think of him, his hands around her, her stroking his hair on my sofa when we were at mine the other night. Drives me insane. That is not normal, Rachel would always try to get me jealous. Never worked. I instantly remember the drunken nonsense of the party and the girls betting on me or Ross. I slap myself mentally and tell myself that I need to stop drinking for a while. I'll deal with that some other time, hopefully they will all just forget about it. Everybody was pretty drunk.

I'm going to text her, I've had a plan about where I'm going to take her. I take a second to marvel at the thoughts I'm having about this girl. It's a bit unnerving. Not normally how I would be at any stage of any relationship. I want to take her to the place I used to go as a child, with the rose garden,

My mother has replied with the zip to the rose garden, sending a winky face alongside her message. I told her about Taylor. Very, very unlike me. She explained that she was glad I was finally taking myself seriously. And growing the hell up.

I pull my shirt on and pace down the staircase to the kitchen for a black coffee deciding that perhaps she's right and I am growing up. I met Taylor and now slowly parts of me that I didn't know existed are coming forward. I sigh and text her, like I said I would. I want to call her but I don't want to intrude. I want to hear her voice. Lord what is happening?

Sipping my coffee I make a plan for my day, how to cope and not think about her every second. Dorsey a cold shower is a must, then I decide heading to the skate park would help me to gauge what's going on with Ross and the others. That is good game play.
On the other hand I could go over to hers? I could park up under her bedroom window and wait for her to open the door and let me in. I could even bring flowers and breakfast. No I tell myself, too creepy and Tom-like. Give her a bit of space.

Cold shower complete, I manage to get through my morning without staring at my phone. Jumping in my 4x4 and deciding new Levi's and aftershave is in order. I'll even pick up some boyfriend material clothes. Cashmere jumpers and polo necks, she will love them. Ones like that guy was wearing who waited outside her door. Tom.

Shopping done I end up at the skate park. Pulling my deck out from the passenger seat I head on over to lose myself in doing something I love.

Eventually Rach, Pippa and Ryan enter the park. Rach giving me a longing look. At times I wish she would just hate me, and act like I didn't exist to her.
Ross is chatting with everybody else, he's sociable and nice. He likes being around people. I decide after a while to join the rest of them. Stop being such a social recluse, I tell myself.

Rach sits next to me and hands me a can.
"Thanks but I'm not drinking" I tell her staring at my cigarette.Pippa laughs out loud.
"What the fuck" she's exclaims beyond shocked. And if that doesn't tell me more clearly how bad my drinking addiction had been getting, I'm not sure what would. I can change that now, stop myself escalating out of control.

"I'm not drinking, got a problem with that?" I say to her. And it's this moment right here, where I'm deliberating if she will turn up to the park, and deciding that she is too good for that. I realise how boring my life was before her.
Rach takes the can back. And settles down with her own next to me. I'm about to head back to the half pipe when Ryan pipes up.

"Anyone heard from Taylor then" he smiles eyeing Ross.

What is it with this guy he's always asking about her. I keep quiet this time around no need for them to know I've been speaking with her. For hours, all night long.

"I haven't heard anymore, I was hoping she would come here" Ross says bless him. He would do so much better if he just were a little bit more forward and insistent.

"What about you Matty?" Pippa directly asks me. And this is my sole purpose for being here today, direct the attention away from myself. Let the game die down and the gossip.

"Nope nothing" I tell her, playing it cool. Little does she know I have a trunk full of new clothes for my date with Taylor in a few days.

"Looks like neither of you have a chance with that one then boys" Rach laughs clearly a little bit pleased.

"Who the fuck cares" I tell them.

"It was just a bit of stupid banter, I'm not breaking my back for any girl" I tell Rach. I'm beginning to think these people bring out my worst.

I skate some more and then decide she's not turning up. Because she's different and she's not going to do what I assume she will. She's always going to do the opposite. I hope she's okay, I deliberate messaging her again but don't want to be too full on. I want so badly to go home shower and then drive to see her.

I nod to Ross before I leave, he's on his phone. He better not be talking to her. God what's happening to me? I want to grab his phone and check it for any messages from her. Deciding social interaction is too much I head home in my 4x4 alone. I'll spend the evening drawing the girl of my dreams.

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