Surround me - the first novel

Chapter 49 - the sweetest thing

Taylor's POV

My mother used to make me pancakes whenever I was feeling low or sick. So any pancake that beats my mother's recipe is something special. These pancakes are something else, and I glance around at the various pictures lining the walls. All various retro prints, elvis crooning in the background as we're sat in a little booth by a window which looks out onto the parking lot.

As I glance up at Matthew, his green eyes intent on me, hands on the table with his leather jacket still on it just feels like something is changing between us and I can't really understand it fully. He's on hyper alert to protect me, at all times.
It's intense and not unwelcome at all.

"I used to come here as a boy" he smiles to me.

"Do you enjoy showing me all the places you've eaten" I smile at him and he laughs scraping his hair back.

"I enjoy being with you full stop" he smiles and I hold onto his hands over the booth.

"This is unlike anything I've ever experienced before" I say to him and he smiles as if my admission resonates with him.

"This is unlike anything I could ever imagine happening for me, Taylor" he smiles.

I love that he tells me about his childhood through the places he used to visit and through his favourite food. It's the sweetest thing.

I find that I eat all of my food for a change, my appetite is great after all of our physical activities we've been getting up too. Either that or these pancakes are just that little bit extra special. Once we finish eating the waiter gets Matty another black coffee and me a juice. Even though Matty tries to persuade me to get a milkshake.

"Ross texted me about this birthday party thing. And worse Tom has actually decided to text me too. I haven't even read it. I've decided I'm just going to block him" I say as he sips his coffee. I don't want anything between us, my only hope is that he is being just as honest with me.

"Ross or Tom?" He laughs slightly setting his coffee down.

"Ignore me, Tom I know that" he replies seeing my expression of shock.

"I haven't messaged Ross back." I say flatly and he nods.

"With everything going on I wouldn't be able to fathom a reply" I tell him and he smiles weakly.

"If Tom is bugging you, I can intervene. I would have done already but I didn't think you would particularly like me doing that" he chuckles slightly, looking down at his hands.

"What would you have done" I smile up at him.

"Taylor, I really wanted to hurt him after you told me what he did and put you through" he says with just a hint of anger. I can definitely see him taking down Tom.

"But I can restrain myself" he says quickly seeing my shock.

"Yeah block him" he says softly.

"I've given him chance after chance to leave me alone and he won't so I will stop him from contacting me" I explain.

"Soon you'll be getting a restraining order on that one" he chuckles and I smirk, picking up my phone and blocking Toms number. Removing him from
Social media. Full exorcised.

"Ross however is a friend. I'm more to blame than him in this situation, he did kind of come onto you first and then I swooped in" Matty says watching me.

"Maybe we just approach that situation carefully" he says.

"Who are you and what have you done with Matty" I laugh over at him.

"What! I'm a reasonable guy" he laughs back.

We sit quietly for a minute. He drinks his coffee and asks if I want anything else. I know he's going to bring up the clinic now and I feel the knots form in my stomach.

"What are you thinking?" He asks.

"This morning I was going over it all in my head, all the things I know about being a parent and I realised that I knew barely anything at all. I also thought about you and your future, that would be such a huge sacrifice for you to undertake. I also thought about the adorableness of a child that looks like you and my heart pretty much swelled up. I thought about you holding me in bed like you were this morning with a big bump in between us" I say softly.

He chuckles, rubbing my hand. It's quite possible that Matthew is utterly crazy or just mature. Perhaps he is madly in love with me and it's clouding his judgement. I imagined him running off to the car at my last admission of thinking about having his babies.

"Carry on, I love hearing your explanations" he says watching me, holding both of my hands in the centre of the table.

"I thought about how perfect that would be. But then I reminded myself that we are not there yet. We are not ready for that no matter how much we romanticise it. Even if we really want it we can't have it yet." I finish and look down.

"I wouldn't see it as a sacrifice. And it's not just my future this would effect. Lots of people have children young and still manage. My mum was 19 when she had Kim. And I'm not saying that to push you in that direction I'm just saying that maybe it's not as crazy as you think" he says looking at me.

"Look I know what I sound like, we're 18 and stupid and in love but I just don't want you to do something that you will regret. I'm happy if you're happy. But don't decide anything based on what you think I want" he finishes and I smile at him.

"Matthew" I say wiping my eyes and hiding from him. He lifts my chin back to him and watches me.

"I've just not felt this way before for anyone. I have no comparisons of any past relationships but I know this is special. It's different. When I realised last night that we had not used protection my first thought was I hope I haven't blown my chances with you. Not anything else, not anything selfish about myself and my needs. I just thought don't leave me, I love you" he says looking at me again.

"This is the happiest I've ever been with anyone." I tell him.

"Good I'm glad they're happy tears and I haven't scared you off" he laughs.

"Matty why would that scare me off? I'm literally so happy I'm crying in front of you" I laugh.

"I knew I loved you when we went to the rose garden." I smile at him. And now we're both a mess in the diner. Half crying and half laughing. The waiter glances over at us and decides to leave us alone. Good service I note.

"Let's not rush this decision" he smiles.

"Let's take a walk and just let everything air out" he suggests and I smile at him as he pulls his phone out to go and pay for breakfast.

I watch him walk away and it crushes me that we are discussing this like adults yet if I haven't managed to get pregnant there literally is no need for the discussion. We know how we feel for one another, and nothing can change that.