[byler] fight or flight

1. Mike

This is taking way too fucking long.

Things between me and Will are really awkward right now and I don't know if he wants me to talk to him, so we're just sitting here in utter silence watching a really high Jonathan driving (how is he even able to), and an even higher Argyle. I don't think he's able to difference a bird from a seven feet tall bulldozer. 

He's amazed by a stupid Surfer Boy Pizza sign that was in the middle of nowhere.

Suddenly, Will speaks. 

"How far is Nina from Vegas?"

I take a look at the road atlas in which we've marked the spot Nina's supposed to be, whatever that is.

"As long as Suzie's coordinates are right, about... another ninety miles."

Holy fuck, we're not going to find El till we're all dead.

"Once we save her, El, we should stop on the way back. At Vegas" he smiles weakly. "El could make us, like, super rich, and... and we'll never have to work, right? We could just... retire and play D and D, and Nintendo for the rest of our lives."

I can't help but let out a small smile, trying to picture El at a casino, but then I remember where she is now, and the last time I saw her, and my smile fades, but so does Will's. He noticed my concern and tries to help.

"Hey, we're gonna make it, Mike. She's gonna be okay."

"Yeah... I know. I know she is."

Of course she is, she's a superhero. I really shouldn't doubt her, it's just like Max said last year, she's way stronger than I thought she was. She's been getting stronger ever since. Sometimes I wish I was like her, strong enough to face everything that's been going on.

I can't keep eye contact with Will, so I just turn around and pretend I'm looking out of the window. 

What's gonna happen when we find her? Is she gonna be happy to see me again? I was, like, awfully mean to her last time we saw each other. I bet she doesn't even love me anymore. Did she even love me before? What if she just needed me when we found her in the woods, but being away from me for so long has helped her realize she doesn't need me anymore? 

I feel my eyes welling up with tears, but I know I'm not gonna cry. I can't. I should really tell Will about this, I bet he'll understand me, and even if he doesn't, I just need to get this off my mind, like, right now, and he's still my best friend, right?

I don't feel like making eye contact with him yet, there's something in his eyes that just makes me forget what I want to say.

"But what if... after all this... she doesn't need me anymore."

"Of course she'll still need you, Mike. She'll always need you", he tries to reassure me immediately, and even though that's kind of the answer I was expecting, I'm still feeling really empty inside. I notice Will's turned to look at me. 

"Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself, but, the truth is, I don't believe it. Not really."

I finally look at Will in the eyes. He's still silent, I guess he wants me to elaborate or something.

"She's... special. She was born special. Maybe I was one of the first to realize that, but the truth is, I just stumbled on her in the woods when she needed someone. It's not fate, nor destiny, it's just.. dumb luck. And one day, she's gonna realize that, she's gonna realize that deep down, I'm... I'm just a random nerd who got lucky that Superman landed on his doorstep."

I remember her rereading the letters I sent her, her eyes full of tears of rage. "She's already beginning to understand she doesn't need me. I saw it in her eyes, that last time we talked. I mean... at least Lois Lane was like, an ace reporter for the daily planet..."