I'm not in love

More than Just Friends

A few minutes passed and Gwen was beginning to doze when Wolfie suddenly remembered their talk earlier. "Gwen, I..." Wolfie trailed off. It sounded weird saying these words to Gwen because they had always spoken so easily to her. Now, they hesitated.
“Yes Wolfie?” questioned Gwen.
“We…” The words were stuck in Wolfie's throat. Why couldn’t they just spit it out already! Gwen knew them so well anyway. Why wouldn’t she understand!
“Wolfie?” she inquired.
"We need to talk about something... important," muttered Wolfie.
“Ok," she replied softly. “Go ahead.”
“Well...um..I..." Wolfie paused, trying to figure out how to word it. Finally, after what seemed like forever, they managed to say: “I care about you, Gwen.”
Gwen opened her eyes slowly, staring blankly at Wolfie. They watched as her expression slowly shifted into a confused frown. "What does that mean? Where did that come from?" she asked. When Wolfie didn't immediately reply she raised an eyebrow at them. “Is everything okay?”
“I uh...I guess I meant...that....I like you. As more than just friends. And...yeah I love you."
At those words, Gwen froze. They had never really said they loved her. Not that they weren't close to one another. They both liked girls, after all. And they had kissed. A lot. But they never actually said those three little words. They had never used those words before. In fact they probably would've said it less if they had. Because the truth of the matter was, neither of them had ever really said it. They had never really said anything about it. They had never really talked about it. They had never really acknowledged it. They had never really admitted it. And now here they were, saying it. Saying it to Gwen. Saying it to her face.
"I...I love you too," whispered Gwen. "As more than just friends."
"I love you, Gwen."
It was like a dam broke inside their chest. Tears were starting to flow once more and Gwen reached over to hug her tightly, wiping away any stray tears she saw. They held on tightly, not wanting to let go.
"I love you too," she repeated. “And I’m sorry for worrying you earlier."
"Why are you apologizing?" asked Wolfie.
"Because I scared you. And made you cry." She pulled back slightly, cupping their cheeks with her hands. “I’m sorry.”
Wolfie sniffed loudly. She rubbed her thumbs across the red blotches forming beneath Gwen's black eyes. "It's okay," she assured her.
“Can we kiss? Just for a little bit?”
Wolfie gave her a hesitant nod. Gwen leaned forward slowly, resting her forehead against theirs. Her arms wrapped around each side of Wolfie’s neck. Her lips crashed into theirs, pulling them closer. their grip tightened on her waist, pulling her closer still. She deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around their shoulders. Wolfie tilted their head slightly to the side, deepening the kiss. She could taste herself on their tongue. The smell of the shampoo she had used still lingered there. The smell of her.
They pulled away slightly, looking into each other’s eyes. Neither of them knew what to say. The silence between them was broken by Gwen giggling slightly. That simple sound filled the room and set off a chain reaction of laughter. It seemed to take Wolfie and her breath away. They leaned against the wall, laughing loudly. They didn’t know why they were laughing. They only knew it felt so good. Their whole body seemed to relax as they let the laugh loose. Once they were finally able to breathe again, they looked up and locked eyes with her, smiling wide. Gwen leaned forward, brushing her lips against their cheek. “Sorry,” she whispered as she moved away. “It just feels amazing to laugh."
Wolfie smiled brightly at her. “It feels good when you laugh, Gwen,” they told her honestly. Then without thinking, they leaned toward her and pressed their lips gently against hers. Gwen gasped softly and turned to face them fully. They wrapped their arms around her hips, pulling her tighter against them. They could feel themselves being pulled in, closer and closer until they were flush against each other. She pressed herself against them as much as she could while maintaining the kiss. Both of their hands ran through their hair as they kissed. This was what they had been waiting for. It felt amazing. It felt right.
After what seemed like forever, they reluctantly pulled apart. Their eyes remained locked together. Slowly, their smiles returned, and they leaned in once more, kissing again deeply. When their lips met their breathing became unsteady. Gwen’s hands ran along the line of Wolfie’s jaw and down to the nape of his neck. She tugged lightly causing him to tilt his head and deepen the kiss once more. They kept going until their lungs burned and they were forced to pull apart to gasp for air.
Gwen rested her forehead against Wolfie’s, catching her breath. Wolfie chuckled at her actions. They pulled their foreheads together, taking slow, steady breaths. Gwen could see Wolfie’s eyelashes flutter beneath her eyes and she smiled. She pressed a small kiss to the corner of their mouth and then to their cheek. They looked at her with confusion on their face. “Gwen, is everything ok?” asked Wolfie.
Gwen nodded before leaning in and pressing her lips against theirs. She closed her eyes and sighed into the kiss, pulling them closer to her as she continued to hold onto their head. Wolfie responded in kind, sliding their arms around her waist. They lost track of time kissing. They kissed for what felt like hours. Maybe even days. Eventually, though, they separated again. Their hearts were pounding in their chests. Neither of them had expected things to happen this fast but they were glad they did.
Neither spoke. Instead, they stood there, staring into each others’ eyes, enjoying the feeling of being in one another’s presence once again. Suddenly, Wolfie grinned mischievously at Gwen.
“You know, I think you should be the one thanking me.”
“For what?”
Wolfie grinned. “You know, the kiss I stole.”
Gwen stared at them for a moment. There was no way. “You kissed me first!”
“But you wanted to be kissed,” smirked Wolfie.
Gwen narrowed her eyes. They didn’t look very pleased with her comeback. “So what?! If you hadn’t kissed me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation! And I don’t want us to talk about stuff if we can’t talk about it! So shut up about your stupid idea!”
Wolfie just laughed and shrugged their shoulders. “Fine, I’ll stop.”
“Good.”
Gwen leaned in again pressing her soft lips against Wolfie’s. She only stopped when they heard someone clear their throat. It was a nurse.
"Sorry for disturbing you but we did a few scans and apparently your leg is broken."
They both snapped out of their reverie and blushed profusely at the thought of her walking on that leg. Gwen sighed and took a deep shaky breath. She turned to look at Wolfie who just offered her a smile reassuringly. "Don't worry. We'll get you better soon enough,” they reassured her.
She just nodded. “Thank you,” she muttered, closing her eyes.
The nurse helped Gwen sit up and prop the leg up, moving it into position. After that, they left the room. They sat silently in silence, letting their minds wander for a second or two.
"Hey..." called Wolfie after a while.
“Yeah,” replied Gwen.
"...You still got me."
Gwen glanced over at Wolfie. “What do you mean?"
"I mean..." They paused for a moment, looking down, clearly embarrassed. “...you still have me. No matter how stupid you make me look sometimes."
“I wouldn’t exactly call myself a genius,” joked Gwen. “And I certainly didn’t make you look stupid today.”
"Well, I'm pretty sure I wasn't stupid either," shot back Wolfie.
Gwen gave them an incredulous stare. "...Really?"
"Yep. And since we're stuck here anyway, maybe you'd care to share the rest of your thoughts? With me. Not the doctor or nurses or anyone else," added Wolfie, gesturing to their surroundings.
"I just..." They paused, looking around the empty hospital room. "...don't know where I should start."
"How about the beginning?" suggested Wolfie.
Gwen hesitated. She was still getting used to talking about this. Talking about herself. But she really needed to do this. If she didn’t now, she never would. She took a deep breath. "When I was 11, me and my brother went out fishing. Away from land. For some reason my brother leaned over the boat edge and got pulled underwater. I didn't do anything to help and he died.." She shook her head, trying not to start crying again. "I tried to save him. I tried to push him back up to the surface, but my arms weren’t strong enough. He drowned, and I couldn't do anything."
"I'm so sorry, Gwen," murmured Wolfie, holding onto her hand tightly.
Gwen sniffled, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "My dad found me later that night. He said there was nothing he could do. My mom didn’t believe me. She always blames me for something that isn’t my fault. I was too young at the time to understand. At 15, I decided it's time to move on. So after a year or two, I started college. I applied for colleges all across America because I was bored of living on land.” She trailed off, looking down at the floor, her tears threatening to fall.
"Gwen, look at me," demanded Wolfie. She lifted her head slowly and looked up at her. “Listen to me, okay? You are not responsible for something that happened years ago. You did nothing wrong. You are not your mother. You aren’t worthless." Gwen let out a quiet sob and buried her face into her hands. “Look at me,” said Wolfie. They placed their hand under her chin and tilted her head up to meet their gaze. Gwen smiled weakly and sniffled. "I am so proud of you,” whispered Wolfie.
Gwen felt her eyes widen at that. She didn' say anything, just stared at them silently. She felt a tear slip down her cheek and quickly wiped it away with the back of her fingers before leaning forward and pressing her lips softly against Wolfie's. She wrapped her arms around them tightly and pulled them closer, as if afraid that if she let go they would disappear.
‘It’s alright now. Everything’s fine. You’re safe now,’ mumbled Wolfie soothingly in her mind. She smiled against their lips and hugged them tighter, relishing their closeness for the rest of the day.