I'm not in love

Definitely NOT Okay

Wolfie quickly laid Gwen down and sat beside her.
"Gwen..?" them mumbled, but she didn't respond. Tears filled their eyes as they gently grabbed her hand. It felt like their heart had been ripped from  chest. Her skin was cold to the touch, yet somehow, Wolfie still managed to find some hope. Maybe this all was not real, maybe she would wake up any minute soon, just like she did yesterday. But even then, Wolfie couldn't get herself to believe that it could possibly be a dream. They tried once again to call for Gwen, tears still falling from their face. She was silent, dead to the world, as if this was not real. As if it wasn't happening now. Wolfie slowly let go of Gwen's hand, then grabbed her face and pressed their lips against hers, breathing air into them. The contact burned on their lips, but they didnt care. If it meant saving Gwen, Wolfie was willing to put an extra layer of fire onto their lips. And for Gwen, Wolfie would gladly burn a hell entire in order to have them back with her.
As they pulled away, Gwen finally blinked. Slowly opening her eyes, a small gasp came out from her mouth as she stared at Wolfie.
"Hey," Wolfie said softly, trying to keep their voice calm, "hey, you're okay." They smiled through tears, taking one of Gwen's hands into their own and kissing it before placing it back by her side. Their thumb brushed over her hand in a soothing gesture.
Gwen gave no response other than giving a slight nod. Then her eyes fell closed as she began to shiver. A few seconds passed before Wolfie spoke again, concern filling their voice.
"Do you want me to grab you some water? Or something to eat?"
Her voice was quiet, so quiet that Wolfie almost had to strain to hear what she was saying. She gave a light nod again, but this time she opened her eyes slightly wider.
"Okay," Wolfie said quietly, standing up and walking over to the fridge, "I'll get you some water."
Wolfie looked back at Gwen as they turned on the faucet, watching as the cool, icy liquid slowly dripped out into a glass cup. They grabbed a cup, then poured water into it before bringing it back to her. This time, she took the cup from them without question.
They sat back down beside Gwen and watched her drink the entire cup. After drinking half the contents of the cup, she placed the empty cup back on the floor and sighed loudly. Her body still shook as she stared at the wall, seemingly deep in thought. Finally, after a long silence, she turned towards them and nodded slightly.
Wolfie couldn't help but smile slightly when they saw her reaction. There was no denying how happy that caused them to feel, even though it made the pain in their chest that much worse.
"Okay." They whispered softly, "Can I give you some space now? You need some time alone, right? Do you want me to leave?"
She shook her head, then reached out and grabbed their hand.
"Stay." She whispered, "Please stay."
Wolfie nodded, squeezing her hand lightly.
"Of course." They replied, "I'm here whenever you need me."
Gwen gave another nod. She stared at her lap, not making eye contact. She seemed scared, like she needed someone to reassure her. Someone who loved her more than life itself. They wanted nothing more than to hold her close and tell her everything will be okay, that she wasn't alone. But they knew better than to try and comfort her when she was like this. So, instead, they simply kissed her forehead and continued sitting next to her. She leaned into their chest.
There were times where Wolfie wished she could understand the things Gwen was feeling. But they never asked about it. Not because they didn't think she needed to talk about it, or because it would make her uncomfortable. No. Because Wolfie could sense it. Something was seriously wrong. They could see it in her eyes, in her tone, even in the way she held herself. All of those things had to mean she was hurting badly, that she needed someone to help her through whatever trauma she was going through. They also realized that this is why Gwen hadn't spoken much lately. Because there was nothing they could do. There was no way they could help her through this. She had to be the strong one for everyone else. And the only reason she'd told them anything at all today was because she'd known she needed them.
And right now, she needed them.
After a moment, Gwen stood up and walked over to their bathroom door. When she heard the door open and close behind her, Wolfie released a sigh of relief. They hoped that she wouldn't be mad. That she'd forgive them if they got a little clingy. Wolfie stood up as well, deciding to follow Gwen inside.
When Gwen came into their view again, she was bent over the sink, vomiting  violently. Wolfie rushed forward and crouched next to her. They wrapped their arms around her waist, supporting her with all their might while she threw up in the basin. After what seemed like ages, the two of them stumbled backwards, still holding each other.
“You know,” Wolfie said, pulling back, “we really should start eating healthier.”
Gwen nodded weakly, looking up at Wolfie. Then, a large amount of vomit suddenly spewed from her mouth, landing in a puddle on the floor. Her eyes widened slightly and she frantically began to shake her head from side to side. She was obviously terrified of what was coming next. Once again, she began to dry heave violently, but this time it was uncontrollable.
“Woah there.” Wolfie chuckled, helping her lean against the sink again, “Just breathe, okay? Don’t force yourself. Just focus on your breathing. Come on. In. Out.”
Once Gwen regained enough control of her breathing to stop throwing up, she glanced back up at Wolfie and took their hand in her own. Her grip was weak, as if she couldn’t quite grasp Wolfie’s hand in such a tight manner. Still, she kept on shaking her head.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, baby.” Wolfie assured her, leaning their forehead against hers.
Wolfie stayed like this for several minutes, reassuring Gwen that it was okay to throw up. But eventually, Gwen calmed down and Wolfie was able to pull her into their embrace, cradling her against their chest. Gwen rested her head against their neck, her hands grasping onto the fabric of their shirt tightly. Wolfie was completely frozen by this point, afraid to say anything or move ever again. Eventually, Gwen let out a breath and lifted her head, resting it back onto Wolfie’s shoulder. They both remained like that for many minutes, just enjoying the peace and quiet that surrounded them.
Finally, Wolfie broke the silence.
“Wanna come lie down?”
Gwen nodded slightly. Without hesitation, Wolfie led her over to the bed. As they lay her down, Gwen gripped onto the sheets tightly and squeezed her eyes shut. Wolfie noticed her hands shake, causing them to squeeze her own tighter.
“Hey, look at me. It’s going to be alright. You’re safe.” Wolfie whispered, stroking Gwen’s hair gently. Gwen’s breathing grew heavier as she began to sob.
“It’s gonna be okay.” Wolfie repeated, “Just relax. Everything’s going to be okay, just tell me what's going on.”
But before they could continue, Gwen buried her face in her knees, mumbling something under her breath.
“What did you say, love? I can’t understand you. What did you say?”
This only made Gwen clench her fists harder.
“Shit. Shit, Gwen. Please, please. Let me in. What’s wrong?” Wolfie pleaded desperately, “Just...just open up to me, please.”
“Wolfie…” Gwen whispered quietly, her voice trembling, “I don’t wanna go back.”
“Go back to where, love? Where’d you go? Tell me where you went, babe, please.” Wolfie begged her, “Please…”
Suddenly, Gwen jerked her head back so fast she nearly lost her balance. Before she could react however, she collapsed forward. Wolfie quickly jumped forwards and caught her just before she hit the ground. They lowered Gwen onto the bed carefully, wrapping the blankets around her protectively.
“I don’t…want t…to go back…” Gwen muttered, struggling to form sentences now.
“Okay,” Wolfie murmured soothingly, stroking her hair, “That’s fine, Gwen. You don’t have to go anywhere. Just sleep. You’ll feel better once you wake up again.”
“Don’t…don’ wanna go back…” Gwen whimpered.
Wolfie bit the inside of their cheek. Their expression hardened as they looked at Gwen, trying to find any sign that she was in a conscious state. But Gwen just continued mumbling incoherent words, staring vacantly off into the distance. Her eyes were unfocused. They were red, and tearful, but also vacant and distant. Wolfie could clearly see that she had completely lost her mind.
For a moment, they just sat there, staring at Gwen, unable to do anything. But then, a sudden realization hit them like lightning. A horrible realization that chilled their blood. When they found her, they could've sworn they saw a needle covered in a greenish substance, almost like poison. When they tried to get closer to take it from her, she whimpered, and pulled away. The next thing they knew, she passed out. Now, all of this finally made sense. They remembered now why she had been acting so strangely earlier, even though she was so happy. They remembered what happened that night when they first met. They remembered the man who picked her up injecting her with the needle.
They were so focused on the realization that flashed across their mind, that they barely noticed Gwen start thrashing around, her entire body tense.
“No! Stop, please! Please stop it!”
She continued thrashing wildly throughout the rest of the day. At some point during their watch shift, Gwen stopped screaming for hours. But that didn’t matter. All Wolfie cared about was the fact that she kept screaming.
It wasn't until late afternoon when Gwen stopped. But it wasn't until evening that she woke up. She blinked blearily a few times as her eyes adjusted to the light.
“Where...where am I?” She asked, squinting in the sunlight.
“Oh good. You're awake. How're you feeling?” Gwen turned toward the sound of  voice and her eyes widened.
Before anyone could respond, Gwen pushed herself up, swinging her legs off the bed. She immediately fell back onto the mattress, groaning loudly.
“Whoa, easy there.” Wolfie reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her from falling back down.
“I'm sorry.” Gwen apologized, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”
With a small gasp, Gwen sat upright again, her hands pressed against her face as she shook her head repeatedly, as if to try and shake away those horrible memories.
“Gwen, calm down. You're fine. Take deep breaths. Can you do that for me?” Wolfie instructed calmly.
Slowly, Gwen began to breathe more deeply. However, she couldn't seem to keep her eyes open. So Wolfie grabbed one of her hands and forced Gwen to hold it. Gwen stared back at them, her eyes blank, but they soon started tearing up again.
“You're right,” she sobbed, “I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, everything is so fuzzy.”
“Don't apologize. We'll figure this out later. Right now, you need to rest.”
Gwen nodded lightly, letting out another loud whimper. After a moment of sitting and watching Gwen struggle to stay awake, Wolfie finally managed to convince Gwen to lay down properly, and wrapped a blanket around her waist. Once they finished doing so, Gwen turned to look at Wolfie, who simply smiled at her and leaned over, pressing their lips firmly against hers. Gwen was still confused, but the kiss seemed to help clear her head somewhat. After they pulled apart, Gwen closed her eyes and snuggled further into the blanket.
“Can we talk after you fall asleep?” Wolfie said softly, stroking Gwen's hair, “If not right now, tomorrow. Or the day after. Whatever you want.”
There was no response, so they assumed that Gwen had already fallen asleep. Noticing that Gwen hadn’t opened her eyes since she had settled, they figured that she was probably too tired to really process what had just transpired. Wolfie placed another quick peck atop Gwen' head before pulling the blanket more securely around her. They climbed off the bed to turn out the lights and close the blinds, and once again settled back beside Gwen on the bed. They watched as Gwen drifted back into sleep, still gripping tight onto Wolfie's hand.