the butterfly effect. i'm sure you've heard of it or have some understanding of it.
if you don't then here's the definition:
"(in chaos theory) the phenomenon whereby a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere."
in simpler words, one situation that can lead to a massive (good or bad) situation/s.
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here's the thing then,
one tiny problem led to me feeling this way about life and myself.
what was it you ask??
25.10.21 - the date my life was changed forever.
i'm exaggerating a little there, but, it was the start of why i disappeared.
okay okay, i wont keep you waiting any longer.
25.10.21
dear diary,
OMG OMG OMG!!!!! THIS GIRL AT SCHOOL IS PERFECT OMG SHES SO BEAUTIFUL AND SMART AND FUNNY AND RELATABLE!!
i think i like her.
i'm going to write a note and put it in her locker, EEK!!!
HER NAME IS MILEY, what a pretty name.
i'll write tomorrow and let you know how it went!!!
bye diaryyyyyy x
the note:
hey, i think your really really gorgeous and your so smart and kind to everyone and honestly... i like you, i really like you.
i don't want to say whom this is but i just wanted you to know.
clue: i'm a girl in your year and i'm short.
keep this between us?
stay safe
-b
26.10.21
dear diary,
bad mistake.
fuck you.
FUCK OFF!!!!!
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!
i hate myself.
i put the note in her locker.
obviously she doesn't like girls. maybe she doesn't like me.
she showed the note to maisie and her girls. they confronted me in the changing rooms.
fuck u diary
"freak, are you a lesbo?"
the fucking leader said.
"what?" i ask quietly.
"we know it was you who wrote that note to miley!! your such a f@g.
listen, i don't mean to be rude but the whole school will DEFINITELY know you wrote this.
i feel a little bad but you deserve it."
"gay"
"freak"
"lesbo"
"dyk3"
"f@g"
"fairy"
their words engraved in my brain.
what did i do to deserve this.
the one time i pour my heart out to someone i like.
soon the whole school knew i wrote it.
people stared.
their eyes piercing my legs, my arms, my stomach, my head, my face, my body.
the dirty looks.
soon the staring and name calling died down but it never left my mind and i'm sure it never left everyone else's.
my favourite song is Gilded Lily by Cults.
"always the fool with the slowest heart."
i've never related to a lyric, nevertheless a song in my life.
YOU ARE READING
#disappear
Mystery / Thrillerwhat if one day you finally decided enough was enough? what if you thought that being gone would be amazing? what if. what if? that's what we say all the time. "what if this?" "what if that?" god. when do we learn?
