She's Mine, He's Back.

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Sonny watched the clock as the time ticked away. He prayed for a miracle. He prayed that both Tru and the baby would be ok. He prayed for forgiveness for the decision he had made all those years ago.
"Mr. Carisi?" The nurse called his name, Sonny turned to acknowledge her. "You can come on back now, Tru is insisting for you."
Sonny followed the nurse through the double doors and into the bustling emergency department. Tru's room was at the end of the hall and when he walked in the doctor was already in the room. She held the probe to an ultrasound machine to Tru's bare belly.
Tru saw him and her eyes lit up, she reached for his hand and he took it, giving it a gentle queeze. He pulled up a chair to sit next to her.
"As I was saying, some abdominal pain and discomfort is very common during the first trimester."
"She doubled over, " Sonny replied. "And she has a very high pain tolerance."
Tru was watching the screen intensely. Her eyes glossing over with sadness. " You can't find a heartbeat." She said finally.
The doctor moved the probe around on her belly some more. "Sometimes it takes a minute," she reassured.
Sonny gripped her hand tighter.
"It's been minutes." Tru said.
Sonny held his breath as he waited for what came next. An eerie silence fell over the room as they all listened. Then suddenly they heard it. The familiar thump-thump-thump.

"Thank God," Sonny said with a sigh of relief.
"See, the baby was just hiding." The doctor smiled, "It sounds strong, I want to run a few tests but I think you just had some ligament pain and normal first trimester spotting. I'd also like to keep you overnight for observation."
"Yeah, of course, if you think that's necessary." Tru responded, the doctor nodded and left the room.
Tru laid in silence for several minutes. Her gaze was fixed on the ceiling but something told Sonny she didn't even see it.
"Hey," he said softly, "You ok?"
She forced a smile, "Yeah... " she hesitated for a minute before finishing her thought. "Sonny, I owe you an apology, a big one."
His brow creased with confusion, "What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't want this baby." Tears welled up in Tru's eyes and her voice broke as she spoke. She cleared her throat.
His features softened as he listened, taking in what she getting off her chest. "I didn't want to get my hopes up... like last time...I guess I thought, the longer I waited the longer I could put off all this worry, " she motioned to the room around them. "When we lost our baby, " she took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears from falling but they betrayed her efforts, "It damn near killed me too. Not just physically but emotionally, and I can't go through that again. I do want this baby, I want to raise it with you and to be a good wife and mother... I really do want all of that. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't. You mean the world to me, Sonny. You have saved me countless times. You've pulled me out of ruts of depression and isolation. The only reason I'm still standing is because of you. I don't think I say that nearly enough."
Sonny gave her a small smile, and squeezed her hand. "Hey you don't need to worry about all that." He stared down at his hand holding Tru's over her belly. He looked at her engagement ring, and thought of all the stuff he hoped to accomplish with her by his side. The life that they would have together. They had been together for years but their lives were starting a new chapter now. Marriage, a baby, he wanted to start it off right.
"What's the matter?" She asked, her brow creased as she studied him.
Sonny cleared his throat as he stood to his feet and crossed the room to shut the door. "I have to tell you something, and you're not gonna like it but I really hope you understand and can find it in your heart to forgive me."
Tru narrowed her eyes, "what are talking about?" Her voice had a small quiver of uncertainty.
"Do you remember much about the night you lost... " he couldn't bring himself to finish.
"No not really, " Tru sat up straighter in the bed. "What's going on? "
He sat down in front of her on the bed and grabbed her hands again, squeezing them tightly and he prayed it wasn't the last time. "The doctors came to me and told me that you had lost consciousness, and even though we weren't married I was your next of kin-and the baby's father-they needed me to make a decision... "
"What kind of decision?" Tru asked, he could see her chest rising as her breathing grew more uneven-panic. She was begining to panic.
"You had developed a placental infection.It was too early for the baby to survive outside the womb... but they couldn't treat the infection while you were still pregnant... " he trailed off, tears welling up in his eyes and his voice broke. "They assured me that the pregnancy wasn't viable."
"Viable? Sonny, what are you saying?" Her eyes pleaded for the truth.
"They said they could terminate the pregnancy and save you, or let the pregnancy continue and you both could die." Sonny was having to force the words out of his mouth. "I told them to save you."
"You what?" Tru exclaimed, jumping to her feet, she tried to leave the beside but was stopped by the IV sticking out of her arm.
"I'm sorry, Tru it was the only way."
"Terminate? As in abortion? That's why we don't have our baby, because you decided to play God?"
The words stung him and he took a step back back, "You we're dying, I didn't have a choice."
Tru tried to push back the tears but a few escaped anyway and she quickly wiped them away. "Well, I guess that makes two of us."
Sonny didn't know what to say. He knew she would be upset, she had every right to be, but she had never been cruel so him before. He couldn't blame her though. All her life people had been making life altering disicions for her and she had had to deal with the fall out. Her parents death-her father killing her mother and then himself. Carson stalking and raping her. Then Sonny with their baby. It would be too much for anyone to bear.
He came closer to her, "I didn't know what to do! The thought of losing you..."
Sonny stood just inches from her, waiting for her to say something. Waiting for her to tell him everything was still ok.
"Tru," Sonny whispered.
"Sonny, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this," Tru said. "I think I need some time to process this ok?"
"Time? What does that mean?" Sonny's heart began to sink.
"I have to stay here tonight but I think you should go home... get some rest-"
"You want me to leave you here alone? No, I don't want to do that. What if-"
Tru squeezed her eyes shut, " Please just respect my wishes about this, ok." She sat back down on the edge of her hospital bed.
Sonny bit his bottom lip, he really didn't want to leave her but he wanted to give her the time she needed. He sighed, "Look I'll have my phone on me, just give me a call if you need me."
She nodded without turning to look at him. He stared at her from the door. Her eyes were fixed on a spot on the floor. He could see the sadness washing over her and he regretted causing her so much pain. He didn't want to leave, but it was what she wanted so he turned and walked out the door
****
The nurse finished placing the last fetal monitor probe on Tru's growing belly. "I know it's not the most comfortable thing," she was saying as she pulled the hospital gown over the bumpy probes. "But if you are having contractions this will let us know. Do you think you can get some rest or do I need to get you some Unisom?"
"I don't know," Tru sighed, "I don't really want to take any medication."
"I can assure you, it's perfectly fine. The baby won't be effected."
Assured, there was that word again. The same word Sonny had used. Doctors and nurses sure liked to toss that word around. Like they could say anything for certain. They were educated sure, but they didn't know everything. They didn't know if their baby would have been a fighter or not. Maybe it would have been just fine being born that prematurely. Maybe Tru would have been fine trying to fight off the infection herself. Even as she rationalized it in her mind, the scientific, medically trained part of her was telling her she was wrong. The doctors knew what was best and she needed to trust them. Accept the decision Sonny had made.
She realized she hadn't answered the nurse yet, she quickly shook her head and told her she would be fine. The nurse left, dimming the lights and pulling the door shut behind her.
In the barley lit and silent room Tru was bombarded by her thoughts again. She couldn't imagine having to make that kind of life or death decision. As hard as she tried to, she couldn't fathom being put in that situation. The fear and uncertainty Sonny must have felt, her heart ached for him. He must have been beating himself up for years. How could she not have known? But how could he have kept this from her? She thought they were partners, that they shared everything and yet he had kept something this serious from her. She was feeling a myraid of things, but mainly betrayed.
She groaned and covered her face with her hands, trying to suffocate the thoughts running rampid in her mind. None of this was ok.
"God help me," she cried as tears began to stream down her face. She couldn't hold it back anymore. She sobbed into the emptiness.