The Story of Me and T - A Tanner Buchanan Fanfic

'Hurt'

*Grace*

'So, I've accepted that I won't be hearing from you anytime soon. You have no idea of the crazy scenarios that have gone through my mind. I know your moms fine, coz I've seen her online. I'm not sure about your dad. We've never really spoken about him.....I just want you to know that I love you.  I don't think you understand how much. I'm lost without you, and I'm hurting really bad. It's hard being shut out, but it's worse knowing that whatever's wrong, you didn't  trust or care enough for me to tell me about it. I honestly thought we were more than this. But I'm not mad. Im a fucking mess, but not mad. I miss you baby, so fucking much'

This message came via text, and I had to stop and reread about ten times due to my continuously falling tears that blurred the screen. I really thought I'd have run out out of tears at this point, having cried continuously during months and months of a horrendous, complicated and very lonely pregnancy. I'd lost count of the amount of times I'd nearly reached out to him. The closest being straight after my 12 week scan. The nurse kept telling me how healthy the baby looked, and when asked what to give as the baby's surname, I answered with Buchanan without a shadow of doubt. So when I was given the print out of the images with 'Baby Buchanan' written at the top, It took every single inch of my existence not to take a picture and send it to him. I thought that would be the best way to make contact, break the ice and be the easiest way to explain everything. He was due to wrap filming, so the timing would be better. But so much time had past, and although the thought of telling him previously felt difficult, it was almost impossible now. Plus, he would no doubt be busy. Without actually talking to him I just knew, for sure, that more job offers would have started piling in. He was a true talent and the world was about to see it. How could I let me and the baby get in the way of that? Reason told me these were excuses. I was being chicken shit and needed to do what was right. But I couldn't. I'd left it too long and feared the damage was already done.

'Had any thought about when you might tell daddy' my mum asked from beside me in the drivers seat. She'd just picked me up from my gender scan and had given up on asking me to reveal....

'My daddy? He already knows' I said with pure sarcasm.

'Come on, Grace. You know what I mean'

I really didn't know what to say. Of course I'd thought about it. It had crossed my mind 100 times today alone!

'I'm scared mum' I answered earnestly, which prompted her to pull over and turn to face me so that we could talk properly.

'Of course you are darling. But burying your head in the sand isn't helping. This baby is definitely coming one way or another and when he arrives he will be the most precious little thing you've ever seen. You can't deny Tanner that, Grace. It's not fair. Plus, he will be a tiny bit of you and a tiny bit of him, so you'll be constantly reminded of him, and the way things panned out' she added. She always referred to peanut (the baby) as him. She was convinced from the second my bump started to show...

'Thanks for that mum. It really helped'

'You know I'm right though darling. Also, you're also denying the baby of knowing his daddy'

She was right. I knew this, all of it and I was hurting because of it. Hurt was the perfect way to explain this whole situation, hurt due to my rapidly stretching uterus, the total mess I was in, and hurt because I couldn't share it with my best friend. I missed him so much. I needed him more.

We both sat in silence reflecting, and my mind took me on a 'what if' journey. What if I'd told him from the start? What if he was with me instead of my mum, how much more gratifying would the experience of hearing the gender of your baby be if the father by your side. The more I pondered the bigger the panic started to set in. I'd made a huge mistake... I was so lost in thought, I only partially heard my mothers ringtone as it blasted through the car speakers. I only briefly heard her moaning 'it must be a sales call, I don't recognize the number at all' before answering...it was all big of a blur, until I heard the unmistakeable, familiar twang of an American accent. It was Mary....

'Hello, who is this?' mum asked

'Grace?' Mary spoke quickly almost cutting in.

'No, It's Emma, Graces mum'

'Oh I'm sorry, I was supposed to be calling Grace. I'm not sure how I got through to you'
As she spoke I realized that my phone must have automatically connected to the car in place of my mums. Typical.

'I'm Mary. I just wanted to check in. Is she okay?'

My mum shot me a look, pausing before pretty much asking me to respond, and a brief pause turned into a lengthy uncomfortable one, leading poor Mary to make the wrong assumption.

'Oh my God, she's not okay is she? Oh my God' she repeated her voice at breaking point. I had to step in, it was wrong to sit back and let her suffer.

'Mary, it me. I'm fine'

'Grace? Oh thank God. Are you okay? What's happening?'

'Mary, I'm fine. Can you hold on a second, while convert the call to my phone. You're on loudspeaker'

'Of course' she said giving me my moment. A moment consumed by grief that I'd put my friend through this, and anguish questioning that if Mary was so pained by my disappearance , how bad would Tanner be?

'Hi Mary, I'm back' I said as I stepped out the car for air, and privacy.

'What's happened, Grace?'

'I really can't tell you babe, please just trust me that leaving the way I did, was my only option'

'But why? Are you sick? Is someone else sick?'

'Mary please. I can't tell you'

'I'm sorry, Grace. I don't want to push you. You have no idea how glad I am to hear your voice. You know, Tanners a mess right? He's gone from being convinced you were dead, to thinking  you've met someone else..to...'

'He thinks I've met someone else?' I said, interrupting her from going any further?

'Well have you?'

'Of Course I haven't. There's no one else, Mary and probably never will be. It's always been Tanner. It always will be, and although it doesn't seem likely, all this has been for him'

'Grace, none of this makes sense' she said with a change of tone. I was about to get it, but I deserved it and just waited for her to commence.

'Grace, you say...' she started, before stopping to gather her thoughts. It was an awkward pause, I could almost hear her mind ticking.

'Holly shit, Grace. It all makes sense. And now I feel awful, for Tanner and you. Grace I'm so sorry it took me so long to figure it out. You're pregnant aren't you'?

And just like that, the cat was out the bag and my head was finally pulled out of the sand.

The shit was about to hit the fan..