The Story of Me and T - A Tanner Buchanan Fanfic

'More Baby..'

*Tanner*

I thought I'd had enough life experience to deal with anything, but then life throws a curve ball at you and reminds you that you're an asshole. I was overwhelmed. 24 hours ago I was a mess, consumed with the worry and the prospect of never seeing her again. Now I was fucked, holding on to this little stranger that I already, and quite amazing loved more than anything else in the world. If only love were enough. Right now, I was a single parent without a fucking clue.

'I think it's time for her feed' I heard a voice behind me say, although I wasn't sure who she was talking to.

'As mum is in surgery, we need some formula to feed baby' She was talking to me. I needed to feed the baby. Feed the baby. I was so fucking worried about Grace and drowning in responsibility. I was if possibly, even more overwhelmed. I just froze.

'Mr Buchanan?'

'It's Tanner'

'Do you have any formula for the baby?' She said again but repeating the words didn't make any of it easier to comprehend. I was totally lost.. Unable to think straight, my emotions pulling me this way and the other.

'Sorry, any what?'

'Milk, Tanner. As Grace isn't around to breast feed, we need to give the baby formula. Do you have any?' I didn't have any. I had no food for my baby, I thought falling into a desperate state of panic, so of course on came more tears that started to drop on to her perfect little face startling her from her sleep. The second she opened her eyes and looked straight up at me even more came. Full on crying to the point where I couldn't control myself nor stop my body from quivering.

'I'm sorry, this is really new for me. Can you help me please?' I begged her in pure desperation. Thankfully, she put a reassuring hand on my shoulder which instantly comforted me.

'Yes of course, Tanner. We have some formula and the basics. Let's make her up a bottle and write you a long list'...

'I promise I can do this, I wasn't expecting, I didn't really......Grace has been dealing with it on her own. I was away. I was working'

'Tanner, it's okay. Your life just changed, massively, and unexpectedly from what I've heard'

'I've been monitoring Grace and baby for a few months. She told me everything'

'Oh....'

'She was really cut up about it and needed someone impartial to talk to. Honestly, I can't tell you enough how many times she wanted to call you. Every time time she spoke about you, she had this face on her which made it pretty clear how important you are to her. She was struggling and needed you and although I can't pretend to understand the reason for her decisions, I can see, totally see, that she cares for you immensely'

Her words, although very comforting brought a whole new set of tears and guilt. I gently squeezed my daughter for emotional support and my new friend squeezed my shoulder for extra measure before adding..

'I guess the main thing is that you're here now, and made it in time for the arrival of these little one. But for her sake, you need to decide whether you can bring yourself to forgive and move on'

Feeding baby was a little simpler than I first anticipated, she was such a good girl which made it so much easier for me.

'How are you guys getting on?' Jen, the midwife said. She'd become my rock over the last few hours. Not only for helping me with baby, but also for giving me updates on Grace's progress. Every single inch of me loved being with my daughter, but I felt guilty for taking this precious time away from Grace, even though I knew that it wasn't possible at the moment.

'Much better. Thank you for all your help, Jen. I really wouldn't have survived without you' I said sincerely. This woman was a saint.

'All in the line of duty, hun' she said holding out the list she promised me from earlier..

'Thanks. Any news on when I'll be able to see her mom?'

'Yes, actually. You can see her now. She's just come out of surgery'

'But what shall I do with the baby?'

'She's your baby, Tanner. What you like to do with her?' My baby. Would I ever get used to hearing that?

'Why don't you take her with you? I'm sure Grace is busting to see her' 

*Grace*

I felt like total shit. Physically and emotionally drained but relieved that she was out and okay and even more relived that Tanner knew and I didn't need to hide her anymore..

His face as I was going under would probably haunt me forever. I don't think I'd ever seen such a juxtaposed look on anyone's face ever before. More than anything, he was terrified, which was my fault. I had months growing to terms with it. He had all of 5 minutes until labour started. I closed my eyes to try a redirect the anxiety and pain. I really shouldn't be stressing, I just had major surgery and needed to recover quickly to be a mother. In the distance I could hear talking that sounded just like him. It was the sound I missed so much. I was shattered, it was probably in my mind. But the voice grew louder and louder until finally the door opened to reveal the two loves of my life. My precocious little daughter and her beautiful father with the biggest smile on his face. A surge of reassurance swept of my entirety. I never, ever thought I could ever feel this way. They were a picture and for the first time in a very long time, I was happy and bursting with optimism.

'Hey Mommy. How are you feeling?' He said walking straight over to me cradling her in his arms.

'Look at our daughter' he added with a kiss on my lips, before stepping back to show me our little creation. I was speechless. And consumed with a crazy sense of pride of my little family and a strong desire to protect them. Take care of them. and then I thought. She was born hours ago, and this was the first time i was seeing her properly meaning, Tanner was actually the one taking care of the situation.

'Should I be breastfeeding her?'

'Well, she's had a bottle, of the tiniest amount of milk that I have ever seen'.

'She has? Who gave it to her?'

'I did...' He answered, staring at our daughter clearly besotted by her.

'Oh, okay'. I responded, feeling ashamed on one hand that I wasn't living up to my duties, but extremely proud of T on other for stepping up.

'How did she take it?'

'Really well. She had it all, but you can feed her again now if you feel well enough?' He asked, looking over at Jen for acceptance. She nodded her head eagerly and they both stood almost edging me on.

'I'm scared, Tanner. I can barely hold my head up..'

'I'll help you baby' He gently handed her to the midwife and after getting the okay, climbed into bed behind me. Stretching his legs either side of mine. Once he was comfortable Jen brought the baby over to us. Not being able to take all of her weight myself, Tanner supported me with firm arms around us both.

'I'm not sure how to do this, she doesn't seem too interested' I confessed to the midwife.

'Just give her a minute and she'll figure it out.' She replied reassuringly

'I hope so'

'She will. She's a good girl' Tanner added. I couldn't see his face, but I could feel how proud he was. He already knew her. I was playing catch up..