Ivy Grows

Sideshow.

Wisteria tickled my bare feet as I walked patiently through the field. I felt a hand in mine and my eyes glowed as they looked over to the welcome stranger. Only to find it was no stranger at all but none other than Samuel. He was young. He looked just like he did the day I met him. Before he'd hurt me and before I'd hurt him. He wasn't looking at me but ahead of us. Where a spectacularly beautiful weeping willow grew from the fertile ground.

His eyes sparkled like amber gemstones as he kept his gaze fixed on the tree. I wanted to speak but my voice wouldn't come out. Maybe this wasn't meant to be a time to talk. Just to observe. I looked down at our bare feet again and seen that my feet were small, and dirty like they always had been as I was growing up. I was a kid too.

"Someday, this will all be gone.." Sam's childlike voice startles me as I glance over at him again. He was gesturing to the landscape and I attempted to respond but yet again my voice was caught.

I wanted to ask why.

"Because no one takes care of it. It's out here all alone.." he spoke and came to a stop at the base of the willow. So, apparently he can read my mind here which is a very unsettling thought.

"But places like this should be left alone. That's how they remain beautiful and healthy.." I speak in my mind. He ponders what I've said for a moment before nodding.

"That's true. But what if they get lonely?" he asks and I'll be honest, this stumped me. Why would a tree or flower get lonely? All they need is sunlight and water.

"They also need to be admired and loved," Sam says as if he's reminding me. They're trees, I thought. They don't know what either of those things are.

"You really believe that?" His voice comes out curiously but humor was hidden beneath.

Well, yeah, I thought.

"You don't see how important this tree is and that's what scares me.." he sounds angry now and I felt confused again. Are we still talking about trees?

"Not all trees. Just this one," he places his small hand on the tree, trailing the ridges with his fingers. I, too, raise my hand that had yellow nail polish along my fingernails and touched the tree.

As I did, it all faded away and I was back in my apartment in New York. I was on the balcony looking down into the living room below.

Jude was there. Just sitting casually on the sofa. As if she had nowhere to be. I heard my front door open and watched in horror as now-adult Sam walked in. He smiled as he saw Jude sitting there on the couch. He discarded his denim jacket before walking around the couch and plopping down beside her. His arm fell around her shoulders like it lived there and my stomach churned. Why the fuck was this happening? Why was I watching this?

"I love you," Jude turns to Sam and says, taking his face in her hands. His face lights up as he leans over to give her a kiss.

"I love you the most," Sam responds as he pulls away. She giggles like a goddamn schoolgirl as they turn to the television that's playing some rerun of a show I loved.

"Stop! Please, stop." My voice broke and I could finally hear it but it didn't seem that they could because they didn't react. I knew this was a dream. I knew that but it felt so real and I just wanted to wake up.

"Just wake up," I told myself and slapped myself across the cheek, multiple times. Nothing worked. I was forced to stay here and live out my worst nightmare in real time. When I looked back down, Sam and Jude had since turned the tv down and were just staring at each longingly which was so incredibly weird to me. Then they both looked up at me and as if they knew the hell I was enduring, they both spoke at the same time.

"Why are you here?"

My eyes shot open as I finally found consciousness. That was the most vivid dream I'd ever had and I have absolutely no idea what any of it meant.

"That's a lot to fucking unpack," I spoke aloud to myself. From the trees to the fucking couch, it was all so confusing. It already started slipping away but the feeling it gave me remained. Heartache.

Instead of trying to figure out what that could've meant, I decide to get up and make myself breakfast. And pretend it never happened. I look out my window for a moment and take it all in as the sun rose from behind the horizon. It must be very early if I'm seeing the sunrise right now.

My sock covered feet padded down the stairs and into the small kitchen yet again. I had bought a few options for breakfast but I settled on a fried egg on avocado toast. Easy and fast.

Just as I sat down at the table, my phone rang again. I had completely forgot I left it down here on the counter last night. Josh's name lit up the screen and I huffed. He's so clingy. Which I can't find myself feeling angry about that. I am too.

"Yes, Joshua?" I laughed into the phone as I took a bite of my toast.

"Ivy," only it wasn't Josh's cheery voice I heard. It was Sam's and I admit I should've hung up then and there but something stopped me. Maybe it was because I was curious how he could ever "explain" something like what he did. Or maybe it was because I wanted to say my piece.

"Why the fuck are you calling me? And from Josh's phone?" Anger rose in my chest again. I've been here two days and yet again, I'm reminded of why I came. To take a break from all of this drama I have no interest in.

"I just want to apologize. That's all. I'm not going to give any lame ass excuses when there's nothing I can say to you except I'm sorry. I've been a dick to you far too many times. If you never talk to me again, I deserve it. I never want to hurt you again and I swear to God that if you give me one more chance to be your friend, I will spend the rest of my days making it right with you.." his lips spill with the speech I'm sure he's went over and over in his head. He always knew just what to say to make me forgive him. I just hope at least some of it was true.

"Why?" my voice comes out broken and small and I can't even say I'm surprised. That's how I feel right now. Like I wasn't good enough for either of them.

"Why, what?" he asks, almost hopeful.

"Why her? You could've slept with any other girl. You have fans, Samuel. Fans that would kill to have five minutes of your time. Yet you choose her. Someone you didn't know anything about other than I loved her. It was so selfish and the worst thing anyone has done to me.." I thought I'd be screaming at him by now. Letting all of my anger and frustration out but it turns out there's more pain and hurt inside of me than anything else.

"I know," his voice cracks and if I didn't know any better, I'd say it sounds like he's crying. Good thing I do know better and I know he's much too selfish for that, "Ivy, I just hope you know I'd give anything to take this back. To go back to that night and fall asleep next to you. Not alone on that couch guilt ridden and disgusted with myself..."

"I'm really not interested in hearing your pity party right now," I snap, and take another angry bite from my toast.

"I'm not-," he starts, "I'm just telling you I would take it back and it meant nothing. She's been trying to contact me for days now and asking me to meet up with her but I've ignored every text and call. I only want to see you and I only want to talk to you," he tells me and so scoff at the fact that he thinks I care that he's ignored her.

"Well, I don't want to see or talk to you. Goodbye, Sam. I hope you have a great day.." I tell him, my voice dripping in sarcasm and malice.

"Please.." I hear him start again just as I hit end call. Suddenly, there's peace and quiet around me again. I send a text to Josh's phone for him to see while I'm still mad.

Text message to Josh:
Thanks for letting your brother take your phone. I really appreciated that, "friend". I thought you of all people understood I need space from him.

AN: I'm so sorry I've been MIA for awhile. I'm not going to lie. I had kind of fell out of Greta but now I'm back and I missed them so much. I hope you guys like this chapter. It is sort of filler but the dream she had meant something, I promise. Anyways, love ya x

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