Less Than Nothing

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I'm nervous.

I don't know why I'm nervous. It's not like we haven't done this before.

It's close to five in the afternoon, and I'm pacing in the hallway outside of Ryan's apartment, undoing all of the relaxation I gained from the spa earlier.

We made plans to meet at his place. The purpose for that being very obvious. I was excited at first. I could hardly contain myself during my deep tissue massage. But now that I'm actually here, all that's familiar are the nerves sitting in the pit of my stomach.

Is this a good idea? I can't help but question.

Things between Ryan and I progressed faster than I could process.

One second, we couldn't stand each other then the next, he was inside of me.

It felt blissful. And empowering, having my cake and eating it too. Now, all I feel is uncertain.

I'm not questioning whether I want him or not. That's as clear as day. All I'm wondering is if this arrangement will come back to bite me in the ass later.

I hate that it took me literally standing in front of his door to make these realizations. But it's too late now. All I can do is pray my overthinking dies down as I ring the doorbell.

It's okay, Alex. You got this. Game face.

I hear movement on the other side of the door, and moments later Ryan emerges. His tall stature is firmly planted against the door frame.

"Hey." He says, studying me from where I stand. His eyes light up with amusement.

I feel my palms start to sweat.

Something I've noticed is that whenever Ryan looks at me, he stares with such curiosity, like I'm something to figure out.

Like it's the first time he's seeing me.

"Hi." My voice is small.

I think another part as to why I'm so nervous is because I'm at his place for the first time. His territory. I felt a large sense of control when things took place at my apartment. Home field advantage, if you will. Now that I have no idea what I'm stepping into, I'm slightly unsettled.

"Are you gonna come in?" Ryan waves his hand in front of my face, bringing my thoughts back to the present moment.

"Right." I blink. "Thanks."

I follow him inside, my heart pounding slowly, but so heavy that I feel it in my stomach. He leads me to the living area, and I'm completely astounded.

I thought my apartment was nice, but holy shit. It's nothing compared to his.

Between the tall ceilings, and square footage, I just know that fancy tech job of his compensates him well.

The color scheme varies from different greys, to whites, the beiges. Very modern. And also very clean. My eyes gravitate towards the kitchen. It's practically sparkling, there's not a single dish out of place. The counters are completely empty, with the exception of one candle that's lit and smells of lavender.

"Can I get you anything?" He interrupts my thoughts. "Would you like a glass of wine?"

Wine sounds perfect. Nothing like some alcohol to calm the nerves.

"I would. Thank you."

I follow him into the kitchen, and he ushers me to sit on the stool by the island. As he grabs a bottle of white from the wine cooler installed in the island, my mind starts to race.