Less Than Nothing

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"I don't know what you're talking about," I dismiss her indifferently, though I feel the blood drain from my face.

"Alex," she sighs. "If you're gonna have a secret boyfriend, at least wait until you get home to kiss all over him. I saw you guys in the hallway."

Fucccckkkkkk.

Unable to sustain my façade of a collected woman, I drop my face between my palms.

"Please don't say anything Andrea. Please." I beg.

Suddenly I wish I could go back in time just a few moments to prevent this. Because now my secret isn't a secret anymore.

She pulls me to the side, into a secluded corner, away from the traffic of the tech crew.

"Why would I say anything?" She tilts her head. "Your personal life is none of my business. I honestly didn't even mean to snoop, I just happened to be in the hallway when you and lover boy were locking lips. And it was only me, by the way. Nobody else was there."

Her words bring me great relief, so much that I finally exhale.

"I'm assuming by your reaction that Adrienne doesn't know about this." She continues. "That you're dating her nephew."

"First of all, we're not dating. What I said earlier was true, this isn't anything serious." I confirm. "But you're right. Adrienne doesn't know."

I don't know what I'd do if she ever found out.

Somewhere, beneath the thrill and the hormones, lies a deep guilt about all of this. I feel horrible going behind Adrienne's back and crossing such a huge boundary of hers.

"Makes sense." Drea nods. The light in her eyes has yet to fade.

"Now that that's out of the way...can I just say...you and Ryan...fucking hot." She whistles. "I didn't see that one coming, but I approve."

"Yeah...we're definitely something."

My emotions dance along the lines of shame, excitement and gratitude, all for Andrea's discretion. I don't know much I should share.

Do I tell her that this is the best sex I've ever had? And that Ryan makes me feel so much more experienced than I actually am?

Or, how I miss him sometimes, and think about kissing him constantly?

It's been a while since I've had a friend in the flesh to recount things like this with.

"Are you sure you guys are only seeing each other casually though?" Her words are backed by a mountain of doubt. "Because the way he pulled you into that kiss didn't seem like it."

"A hundred percent." I reply. "I'm not looking for a relationship, and Ryan is...well...in love with his ex."

I didn't forget what Adrienne told me about Ryan and Jenna, in fact, I thought about it long and hard.

As polarizing as it may feel, Ryan had a life before me. And I had one before him. We each carry our own individual baggage, seeping with unresolved feelings.

Jenna is Ryan's unresolved feeling. Drea's slow nod verifies that.

"I didn't know you knew about Jen."

"Oh, I know about Jen alright." I say, looking down at my fingernails. The awkwardness that follows her name makes me physically cringe.

"Well, either way, you seem satisfied with whatever relationship you guys have, so I'm happy for you." Andrea concludes. "And if you ever want to talk about anything, I'll be here."