Less Than Nothing

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I've learned a handful of things about life since I've been in New York, and on my own.

Laundry is fun.

Pickles are not a substantial dinner.

Sex can mean nothing.

And lastly, if I had the option to never leave my apartment for anything for the rest of my life, there's a dangerously high chance that I wouldn't.

This weekend has been a series of take out, wine bottles, sad movies, midday naps and online shopping sprees. Fucking beautiful. Beautiful, and very much needed. I knew work has been taking a toll on me, but I didn't quite understand the full extent until I had some time off.

It felt good to breathe. I don't think there's a deeper peace that transcends just existing, and that being enough. I made sure to revel in that feeling for as long as possible, because I'm back at work tomorrow and this week is the week of the pop up event. Enough said.

Tonight though, Adrienne is having a small dinner at her place to celebrate the pregnancy. This is the first event of hers that I'll actually be attending instead of working and I find that exciting, yet jarring at the same time.

The sole feeling that's been consistent during the short time I've worked at Adrienne Walker Designs, is the feeling of not belonging.

I come from very humble beginnings, and let's face it, nothing about Adrienne's company is humble.

It's all bling. And luxe. And more bling. And more luxe.

I don't judge, in fact, I commend the hard work that led Adrienne to be in this position. I just simply can't help how I feel whenever I open the fridge at the office and it's stocked with thousand dollar bottles of champagne. Or, when I hand baskets to clients and guests who are wearing jewelry that costs more than my parent's house.

I so clearly stick out from people I spend a majority of my time with. And they so clearly can tell.

I'm being paid for my time, so the extent I allow these feelings to linger is limited.

Tonight though, I'm a guest. Not the help.

I just pray the obvious disconnect isn't too obvious.

"Do I look poor?" I smoothen the black dress I've chosen around my figure, and take a step backwards, allowing Grace a full body view.

"You're not poor, Alexandra."

I'm not looking at my laptop screen, but her admonishing tone leads me to believe that statement was followed by an eye roll.

"Compared to these people I am."

Myself, and three fourths of Manhattan.

"Well you don't look poor. You look beautiful." She pauses. "Not that poor people aren't beautiful, but you know what I mean."

Looking at the image in the mirror, the more confident parts of me are led to believe that she's telling the truth.

"Thank you."

It's good to know the hours of hard work I put into my appearance counted for something.

"So..." Grace quips, "since this is Adrienne's party your boyfriend is probably gonna be there, no?"

I'm still adjusting my lipstick when I reply, "I don't have a boyfriend. But if you're referring to Ryan, I'm assuming he will. I don't know for sure though. We haven't talked."