Reasons to Hate the Commute

#859, #760 and #741 The Catfish Express ~ anonymous

#859

There are some people who really like taking the Catfish Express. There are some people who really do not like taking the Catfish Express.

I'm one of the latter.

During its big move to clean up the Pasig river, the Sinauna Group claims it discovered an ancient being that had been sleeping in the depths of the river for millennia. It lay in a cavern so deep inside a trench, it could not be reached by pollution or vibrations from the surface, and it could not be detected by any of the old instruments. Plus, it was covered in mud. It looked just like the floor of the cave it lived in, and still lives in to this day.

One just has to ask how the Sinauna Group got it, in the first place, if it was in a cave in a trench hundreds of miles underwater. And how they set about taming it, balancing a boat on its back, and training it to keep that boat moving safely above the river's surface. Then again, you don't question the Sinauna Group. Not answering questions is a huge part of how they get things done.

They deploy the Catfish Express on special days, like festivals (when people actually WANT to ride the Express, for the novelty) and when two or more of the ferries break down. Which happens rather frequently. Can't blame 'em, though - I don't suppose it's easy maintaining noiseless, emission-less, barely-even-making-ripples-on-the-water passenger crafts...which also purify the water in small degrees, as they go along. The bottom filter basins get clogged or fill up with microtrash quite often, and need to be cleaned out every other day or so.

Sure the Catfish Express is fast, but it's noisy! You can barely make conversation with your companions on the trip. The swishing of the giant tail sounds ominous, and every time it makes a splash, it's like a little explosion happening just behind you.

Also, I hate the on-board music. It has to be loud enough to vibrate throughout the Express' entire body, I think, so you feel your seat quivering when the bass lines hit. It's uncomfortable, for sure. You just have to take comfort in the fact that if you ride the fish, your travel time is cut in half, at least.

Because of the speed, the seats on the Express boat come with steel safety harnesses, like in roller coasters...though a lot of people hate that. I have this officemate who goes into a panic every time the harness is lowered over his chest. He hangs on to it for dear life, and keeps mumbling - what if the boat tilts? What if the Express gets it into its head to jump out of the water, like catfish tend to do, and then the boat gets tossed into the air and has to come crashing down onto the water, and then the boat breaks and none of the harnesses would open and everyone would sink to the bottom and die. Imagine that!

Some people do. They can't help it. Water is a scary thing. I need to get to work, so I try not to let it get to me. But I can't deny the prospect of an accident on the Express scares me, too. Even if the Sinauna Group expressly denies the Express would do such a thing. One hears stories of the Express behaving weirdly, though not of anyone dying while riding it, not even of fright.

Also!! It inconveniences all the other river fauna. It makes one feel a little guilty for being so in a hurry to get to work. Right now, the river is clear enough that you could just barely see all the poor smaller creatures steering clear of the Catfish Express as it approaches. Once, I swear, I spotted two freshwater syokoy having to interrupt their makeout session just so the Express could pass. Boy, were they mad.

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#760

Yeah, I REALLY DO NOT CONDONE taking the Catfish Express. If you see it, turn around and find some other means of getting to your destination. It's ANIMAL CRUELTY, plain and simple.

I don't care what the Sinauna Group is saying: one doesn't just blindly accept that a 1,000-something-year-old creature would wake up from the deep and want to rejoin life on the surface as a mode of transport for 50-something puny humans. It should've been left alone from the beginning. Let sleeping catfish lie!

Catfish are mainly nocturnal creatures, too, so they can't say it's not suffering when it makes all those daytime trips. Is anyone really dumb enough to buy that??

And that music they have to play to "tame" it...? I heard the bass notes simulate its mating call. And everyone knows it's the only creature of its kind. How unthinkably wicked of us to exploit that, to fill its body with longing and hope every single day, just so we could take a river cruise, or get to work on time!

No, I don't care if some people like that music. I don't care if some people take off their harnesses mid-journey and start dancing on deck. It's the height of insensitivity to groove to 70s music while party to the torture and enslavement of a zoological miracle, and possibly THE rarest creature on Earth.

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#741

Why in God's name would a giant catfish thousands of years old want to listen to Hagibis songs non-stop?