Reasons to Hate the Commute

#886 Blame it on the Rain ~ anonymous

All trains have quirks. The K train's is worse than most. People generally don't take trains in order to get rained on.

But then, in fairness to the K, you only get rained on if you lie. Water from the air conditioning pours down your head and ruins your clothes and hair, and any device you might have been stupid enough to take out.

The Sinauna people have been promising to fix this for ages, but they never do. I don't think they ever will. It's even on their brochure that one of their trains does this. "Bring a raincoat!" their grinning mascot says.

And I gotta admit, the K train is pretty popular. Most of the people who take it aren't really commuters, but tourists. You could tell because they're wearing raincoats. In my time, I've seen maybe a hundred small tour groups of young people gleefully taking turns lying and getting water splashed on them. I sometimes think the train even enjoys that, it's like playing a game.

I'm one of those weird people who choose take the K train to and from work every day. All I have to do is sit or stand very still and try not to interact with anyone. However, I do get careless. One time a particularly pretty tourist called my attention and said, "Excuse me, is there a mark on my face?" and I saw a dot on her chin and said "No" and then water poured over my head. The tourist and her friends laughed, but apologized profusely. It turns out she'd drawn that dot on with a washable marker, just to mess with some random people on the K.

When I get to the office drenched, I can always trust my co-workers to ask "Is it raining outside? Or did you lie on the train again?" I'm the only person who takes the K train regularly on my floor, and it's always a hoot (for them).

You know who else likes taking the K train? Lovers. I don't know why they put themselves through it. They go in, they say "I love you" to each other, they don't get wet, and then they go about the rest of their trip happy.

Sometimes, apparently, they take the train over and over just for kicks. There was this very young couple I'd seen around three times. They kept saying "I love you" to each other and grossing the other passengers out (except the tourists, who appreciated the spectacle). On the fourth time I saw them, the boy said "I love you," and the girl said "I'm very fond of you" and still, no water fell. After that, they were silent. And they never appeared on the K train again, at least not in my car, and not on the times I took it.

I can't forget that one time an old couple walked into my car. They sat quietly at first. Then the old woman started speaking. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but old man just let her talk. "Just tell the truth," I heard the old woman say. A minute or so later, water poured down the old man's head and the woman started sobbing.

Over time I've considered myself an expert on the K train. And my expert advice is: don't take the K train.

But if you must, don't speak. Don't call. Don't text. Don't do anything you normally would under any circumstances.

And never, ever trust your feelings. Feelings lie. Either you're not really feeling it, or you feel it now but you're not going to feel that way forever.

The water could tell.

And if you absolutely must speak, here are a few commuting tips I can give:

1. Never say "Wait for me, I'm almost there."

2. Never say to the dying that you're sure they're going to get better.

3. Never say you're going to be all right.

4. Never say you'll love them for the rest of your life.