☆ trapped under ice ☆

☆ twenty five ☆

allys pov. the next day, (thursday)

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i woke up this morning in kind of a shit mood, i felt kinda drained and like a shit person, for no reason at all really.

maybe its that seasonal depression shit everyone talks about, i don't know, it doesn't matter anyway.

james was still asleep as usual. it was still early. around 8:30am. i stepped out of bed stretching when i stood up.

it was pretty quiet so none of the boys must be awake yet.

i slipped a hoodie over head, i was alreday wearing black sweatpants and a bra.

i decided i wanted to go for a walk i needed to clear my head a bit. i didn't bother to leave a note for the boys.

i grabbed my sunnies and walked out the front door. i walked down the footpath slowly for what felt like forever. my head my felt empty, which was a feeling i was not used to.

i walked to this little lake and had a cig, i sat on the bench with my knees to my chest and my head resting on them.

i sat there longer than i realised because the morning sun had faded behind the trees. i had just been watching the water in the lake slowly move from all the fishes and all the wind.

when i finally snapped back into reality i realised i had been there for hours. the sun was almost setting. i had no clue how i managed to sit there for hours.

i walked into the main street and to the closest service station. i wondered mindlessly up and down the isles until i found myself at the counter with two bottles of vodka a case of beer, gummy snakes and a lighter.

i payed for my items and went on my way back home.

when i finally reached the front door i put my hand on the handle but before i opened the door i heard james yelling.

"where the fuck could she be!" followed by "she is a danger to herself"

that one stung

"relax dude!" i heard lars reply.

i slowly twisted the door handle and stood in the door frame with a tear rolling down my cheek that was hidden by my sunnies.

"a danger to myself" i mumbled.

he came running over to me and said "i didnt mean it like that". he wrapped his arms around me but i didn't do it back. i just stood there. in my head repeating "a danger to myself".

"ally baby, what happened? are you okay?" he spit fired questions.

was i okay?

i asked myself.

"baby!" he looked me in the eyes and shook my shoulders. i hadn't realised i was staring into the distance behind james. my head felt lost.

but eventually him shaking me was enough to snap me back into reality.

i looked up into his worried eyes and didnt speak. "ally" he said again but this time it was more of a beg than a yell. his voiced cracked a bit.

"sorry" is all i could muster.

he just wrapped his arms around me. i did too this time now that i had the energy.

"why were you so worried about me?" i whispered into his ear, "after the other night i was just scared you might do something you'd regret" he said it so quietly, almost like he didn't want to think about it.

"oh" was all i could say. was he really that worried.

"i just went for a walk and stayed at the lake a bit longer than i meant to" i stated nervously, so he understood a better.

"im not angry ally, it's okay" he said. i think he sensed the nervousness in my voice.

"...just leave a note next time or something" i nodded after he said that.

he took me into the house with him and i sat down onto the couch. he stormed off into the kitchen running a hand through his hair while mumbling "fuck i need a beer".

this was the side of james that scared me a lot. i knew deep down he was such a caring sweetheart but he also had a lot of rage and anger.

he usually could use music as an outlet but sometimes he just got fired up. it still always scared me.

i heard the fridge door open and close then he came back into the lounge room with a fresh beer in his hand.

he sat down next to me but still left a pretty good gap between us which only made me want to fall into the couch more almost wishing it could just swallow me whole.

he sat with his legs far apart and his beer resting in his hand on his knee with his ring clad fingers occionally tapping the side of the can and his other leg bouncing up and down in a stressed way.

his hand fell over his eyes and he let out a few long drawn sighs. each time he did i felt a new wave of guilt wash over me.

i reached into my bag of stuff i brought at the gas station and i pulled out the gummy worms. i had specifically bought them because i knew they were james favourite.

i sat the packet on his lap and his stressed face melted into a warm side smile. "i got 'em because i know they're your favourite" i said quietly watching his reaction.

"thanks babe" he said quietly trying to hide the massive grin that was tugging at the side of his lips as he leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

he tore the packet open and started eating them. he handed me a few and we started laughing at the situation.

and after a few hours and a few beers later i found myself back in his arms while we watched some shitty movie on tv.

some of the guys had joined us and we were all commentating loudly about how shit it was.

james and i though would often find ourselves looking in to eachothers eyes and zoning out the loud boys around us.

we'd just get caught up in eachother. and eventually we started kissing and the guys were not having it so we left them and made out on james bed until we both passed out in eachothers arms.

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a/n: i updated wowowowowow. ik it's shit srry