☆ trapped under ice ☆

☆ thirty three ☆

april

ally's pov:

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"i want to break up" james said as he stared at me from other end of the couch.

two months ago i would've got on my knees crying and pleading for him to stay with me but the way we've treated each other since then honestly...im done. i don't want any part of it anymore.

at least that's what i told myself.

that same distant feeling after my relapse stayed for the rest of february and as it grew into march the feeling turned into james actually being distant.

he would disappear for days with no warning and when he would come home we would just fight and yell. it wasn't good for either of us.

i could tell the boys could see how toxic it was
too but they chose to stay out of it cause they knew how angry james could get and they didn't wanna escalate things more.

"okay" i replied.

he didn't look back at me he just continued staring at the ground. clutching his beer like it was all he had left.

a few tears welled up in my eyes and they silently fell as i stood up. i got up off the couch and walked over to james, i looked down at him and said "ill start packing my stuff".

he didn't look up at me, didn't nod, didn't even blink. i not gonna lie, it hurt.

i felt a quick rush of pain shoot through my body but tried to ignore it as i walked into james and i's room.

i grabbed my suitcase first, and threw all my clothes into it. as i was tearing my clothes off the hangers and throwing them into the suitcase i stopped abruptly when i found the metallica shirt that james had given to me awhile ago.

it made my heart swoon with pain as i thought of one of the nights they played when i was wearing the shirt.

all our friends were there and i was side stage, the whole time, clapping and cheering so proudly.

after their set finished james ran over to me and grabbed me in a hug before kissing me and saying "i love you" i kissed him back before replying "i love you more babe and im so proud of you".

fuck no, ally, don't do that.

don't do that to yourself.

i shook my head as to get rid of the memory.

i continued going through the room to get all of my shit. my tears had become known at this point as they were actively running down my face making my eyes red & puffy at the same time.

i just kept angrily throwing my stuff into the suitcase. my breaths were getting short and laboured until i fell to my knees and covered my face with my hands as i broke down.

i stayed like that for a few minutes just letting the whole situation sink in as the world crashed down around me.

i sat there sobbing, letting that awful feeling consume me.