Her Story!

Living VS surviving

What is the difference between these two words??
As long as we are alive aren't we living???

As she sat in her study table staring at the wall her thoughts clouded her head! Has anyone asked you 'how are you' and you think to yourself do I lie and say I am fine or do I tell them everything wrong with my life...Am I supposed to act happy and smile infront of everyone or can I just sulk and keep to myself all day... the stress of being sad(laughs in depression) So what would your answer be to the question???
I am fine- but you'd want them to say you are lying, I can see you aren't fine!
Or
I am not okay- but you don't want to explain to them what's wrong and just want a hug
Or(my fav)
I am surviving- meaning that I am not okay and I am not not okay right now  but I am just hanging in there
You'd think that you'd say I am not okay or I am surviving but the answer is always I am okay
And when those words leave your mouth it stings and it hurts not because it is a lie but because of the reason for lying.
Sometime you are so drained and numb that when someone asks you 'how are you?' And you reply with 'I am just surviving/hanging in there' you regret it because now you will have to explain yourself to them which sucks because then they will pity you and act like you are kid who needs guidance.

Well so what is surviving???
When you are alive and breathing but you'd do anything to undo that!
When you feel numb and don't know how to fix it!
When you just want to sleep until everything gets okay!
When you are so tired that you don't even want to get out of bed!
When talking feels exhausting!
When doing anything drains you!
When you are eating only because someone told you to!
When you are forced to live but you don't want to!
When you are drenched in sadness and smothered by overthinking!
When you smile all day and cry all night!
When you sit to study your brain can't read so you just sit and stare at the book until you cry yourself to sleep!
When you are sitting with a group of laughing people yet you still feel alone and sad!
When keeping your eyes feels tiring!
When everything irritates you!
When life sucks!
When the coffee tastes like feet!
When the sky no longer looks beautiful!
When flowers don't grab your attention!
When chocolate doesn't make you happy!
When movies don't numb your already numb brain!

Is this being alive???
Are you living life as you should??

What living feels like should be :
When your coffee tastes like heaven!
When the sky looks pretty!
When the weather makes you smile!
When talking excites you!
When you feel!
When you want to work on yourself!
When you want to eat healthy!
When you want to go for a walk!
When you feel like journaling!
When you look after your skin!
When you take care of your body!
(Sounds like basics but it is so damn hard to do)
When you don't get anxious when talking to people!
When food actually tastes yummy!
When you feel good even on a bad day!
When your heart is at peace!!!

Maybe that isn't living
Maybe it is

Maybe living means taking each day at a time and learning to take in both the good and bad days and learning from them!

She stoppped staring at the wall and tried going to sleep