40 Days

December 26, 1997

December 26, 1997

It was early morning. The sun wasn't even out yet, but I couldn't take being in the tent any longer. I placed Harry's wand, which had broken during the confrontation with Nagini, carefully on the bed beside him, and took the locket placing it around my neck before leaving the tent. I walked determinedly nowhere, just as far as I could from where Harry lay.

I hadn't gone far when I spotted it. The glowing form of a doe. I stood still watching it and it moved further away from me and my eyes darted around trying to spot who cast it. It was so close to Harry's stag patronus... I couldn't help but follow it.

I kept expecting someone to jump out at me, to grab me, but instead I kept moving deeper and deeper into the forest. I knew it was irrational to follow it. I didn't know where I was going and I was leaving Harry alone, but I couldn't bring myself to turn away from it. Some instinct inside me whispered that it would be my salvation - maybe both our salvation–Harry's and mine. Or I was crazy. Possible. Probable even.

When the doe finally came to a halt I stopped my wand clenched hard in my fist, bracing myself for whatever may come next. I swallowed several times trying to think of what to say to whoever it was, what to ask them when suddenly the darkness was absolute, the doe disappeared.

"Lumos!" I cast my light all around searching for the person who had cast the patronus but I found no one. I felt stupid as I walked a few feet in each direction, not seeing anything. A terrible thought occurred to me, had I imagined the whole thing?

As I widened my circle, I came upon a small frozen pool. Its cracked icy black surface glittered under my lumos and I noticed that something was reflecting in the water. It looked like a great silver cross, and my mind leapt with the recall of pictures I had seen of the silvery gleam of the sword of Gryffindor.

I stared at it, moving closer, seeing more details–the rubies in its hilt, the slight curve of the blade. How? How could it be here? Had I truly gone mad?

I took a step back, almost turning and running away, but no. I couldn't. If that was the sword, I needed it– I needed it immediately. The locket on my chest seemed to heat up at the thought.

I pointed my wand at the sword. "Accio sword."

Nothing happened. I don't think I had expected it to be that easy but I had to try. I pulled off my sweaters dropping them on the ground. I was fully committed to getting this fucking sword, no matter what. In my bra and underwear I dived for it. The cold was so intense it just became pain, as if thousands of needles were stabbing me at once.

My hands were so numb I couldn't wrap them around the sword for a frightening moment. Finally, I shifted, wrapping my arm around the hilt and pulling upwards, and the sword came with me.

As I kicked frantically for the surface, my lungs burning, something tightened around my neck. I wiggled frantically, not even able to grasp it or risk losing the sword back to the water. I could feel it almost cutting into the flesh of my neck with how tightly it was wrapped. It was the fucking chain of the Horcrux!

Bubbles escaped my mouth as I went absolutely crazy. Screaming out the last of my air as I thrashed around refusing to let go of the sword even though I was drowning. The lights above me grew dim, and I raged even harder as I died, that fucking locket choking the life from me.

It was the sound of retching and deep coughs that brought me back to consciousness, face down, in the snow. Harry. I thought hearing the deep coughs again; he was awake and he had come for me. Waking up more fully brought on my own coughs and retching, spitting out the water and I staggered up, looking for the sword, the locket banged against my skin sharply, probably pissed it missed out on killing me.