I Just Can't Do It Anymore

Chapter 3

•chapter 3•

•WARNING!!!! May need tissues!!•

{the song for this chapter is.... They don't know about us} >>>>>

Megan's POV

After a long week of being in Julie's hospital room, I've found that these beds are uncomfortable as hell, the food tastes like crap, and I've cried so much that my eyes will most likely stay permanently red rimmed.

I haven't been to the flat at all, Blair brought me clothes and toiletries. I also haven't talked to Lou since last week. The day of the... Accident to be exact.

It's not that I'm still mad at him, I just can't find it in me to tell him his only niece has cancer. It was so heartbreaking for me to hear. And I really don't need his sympathy. Not his. Blair's. Not even the doctors and nurses that know I haven't left her side all week.

Her favorite nurse, Kelly, is on leave for vacation(making for a very grumpy Julie) so a male nurse named Bryce is filling in for her. He's alright.

"Hello Julie! Hey Megan!" Bryce said joyfully strolling into the room with the needle. I saw Julie shiver slightly and the smile on Bryce's face fell immediately. One night, after she fell asleep, he actually came to me and cried about how horrible it was to see babies with cancer and to see them cry and look unhappy. He also said that if he could take their place, he would. This grown man actually cried on my shoulder for almost 2 hours.

"Julie I know you don't want it. Frankly, I don't want to give it to you either. But you have to bear with me and I promise that that stuffed animal you were looking at is yours." Bryce promised. With that said, her spirit was definitely enjoyed. He came over to her bed carefully. She grabbed for my hand, but the vulnerable look on her face made my tears fall.

After he slowly injected the needle into her arm, the chemo started to run its course. She was so weak that she just fell asleep instantly. What happened to my strong baby girl?

"Megan...." He said to me quietly. I just couldn't stop crying, and I for once didn't care one bit. "Go home and rest for a few hours. You haven't slept in 2 days. None. Not even a wink of shut eye. Just go. I promise that I won't hesitate to call you if anything happens. Go..." He trailed picking me up from my current position and broken state. I took one look into his pleading eyes and knew that this nurse knew what was best for me. I just simply nodded before walking out, but not before kissing my princess on the head.

I got to my flat in what seemed like hours. I was in such a daze. It was like the rest of my body was cut off from my heart. My face held no emotion and my voice sounded like death. Probably how I looked to tell you the truth, because that's how I feel.

Blair was at work, so I just unlocked the flat door and walked into the place I called home. It was like a movie. It felt like I was walking into some house I had never known but held countless memories in it. And I was scared that those memories would just jump out at me like that.

I walked the fuzzy carpet, running my hands along the pale white walls in every way I could. I touched the couches. The lamps. I even touched the damn kitchen sink for god sakes!

I didn't even dare allow myself to go into Julie's room, knowing that a mental and physical breakdown was all it held for me in the near future. I passed up the offer to cry my eyes out and curl into a ball in my princesses room and settled on doing that in my own room in my own privacy.

I looked through the closet and found something comfy to wear. I grabbed an old pair of Harry's Jack Wills sweats that I couldn't find the life of me to return to him and his old Ramones shirt I stole from his closet years ago.