The coldness radiating through her skin was somehow soothing. It was all she could feel. Lindsey had tried to get her to sit on a chair but she wouldn't move. She just curled up there, face pressed against the hard, brilliant white tile, listening to the sound of her heart pounding in her ear and resenting every beat.
She didn't know how long she'd been there. Time for her had stopped the moment Stevie's eyes closed and she had no idea when it would start again. Everything between then and now was a blur. She remembered screaming at the paramedics to save her and hitting out at anyone trying to pull her away.
She remembered watching as they shocked Stevie's body back to life, her tiny frame violently jerking as the electric current passed through her.
She remembered the sound of the siren as she sat in the back of the ambulance when they covered Stevie with wires and tubes and having to shock her again because her heart couldn't cope on its own.
She remembered holding her hand until the last second, running alongside the gurney until she couldn't go any further. She watched the hand fall, the diamond ring catching the ugly fluorescent hospital lighting and making it beautiful.
And then she was out of her sight and nothing else in the world mattered anymore. Lindsey had ushered her into a family room and she had slumped to a floor now wet with her tears.
Lindsey had called everyone to update them. His voice was hollow and it took him several attempts to tell Barbara what had happened. They were on their way.
He stared out at the city, thinking about the last time he'd been at Cedars-Sinai with Stevie, in a room just like this one, and she was in a similar state to Sheryl now. Robin had died that day. He pushed the thought out of his head. That wasn't Stevie's fate.
He had washed the blood off his hands, almost reluctantly - it felt strangely like he was washing her away. He was still in the same shirt though, a walking reminder of what had happened. There had been so much blood. He fought back the tears and was grasping for something else to think about when the door opened and a surgeon walked in.
Sheryl was completely out of it, staring at nothing. Lindsey had to shake her before she even realized there was someone in the room. She got wearily to her feet.
"Is she going to be ok?"
"It's difficult to say. Her body has gone into haemorrhagic shock and her organs were starting to shut down. We were able to stop the bleeding, but she's lost a dangerous amount. It's going to be a long road and she's not in the clear yet, we had to resuscitate again in theatre. We'll have a better idea in the coming hours and days about the long term extent of the damage and recovery."
"Can I see her?"
"She's being transferred to a room now. I'd suggest going home and freshening up -" he glanced at Lindsey's shirt, "and coming back later."
Lindsey nodded but Sheryl didn't budge.
"I'm not going anywhere until I've seen her."
~
The nurse smiled kindly as she opened the door for her. Despite the sounds of the machines, it felt unnaturally quiet. The bed was behind a curtain and Sheryl was strangely overcome with a burning desire to be back on that waiting room floor, in her own world, rather than have to face what was waiting behind the curtain.
She shook the feeling off and pulled it back, immediately bursting into tears again.
Stevie was somewhere beneath a network of tubes, all working to keep her alive. She looked like a child in the huge bed. Sheryl watched her a moment, desperately willing her laughing brown eyes to open and her to yell "Surprise!" But the eyes were closed, and she was still and silent.
Sheryl leant over and kissed her forehead, the only part of her face not blocked by wires. Then she sat in the chair by the bed, carefully took hold of Stevie's hand, and cried until she fell asleep, her head resting on the blankets.
~
The sun was blazing bright through the window when she woke. The drone of Stevie's respirator and monitors filtered through to her and the memory of last night was like a weight dropping into her stomach. She didn't want to open her eyes and see Stevie in the daylight, but she heard the rustling of papers and realized they weren't alone.
"Good morning," the nurse at the foot of the bed said gently, holding Stevie's charts. "You must have needed that rest; you slept all through the hourly obs. There's a coffee if you want it."
She nodded to the set of drawers by Stevie's bed where she had placed a steaming takeout coffee cup. Sheryl smiled weakly in thanks and reached for it.
"Is everything looking ok?" She gestured to the charts.
"Yes. I think it's fair to say she's stable which is better than the team who worked on her last night could have hoped for. She seems to be responding well to everything, we lowered the respiratory support an hour or so ago and she's picking up the slack on her own which is a good sign."
Sheryl's spirits lifted at hearing this and she turned to look at Stevie for the first time. It was still heart wrenching, but she couldn't suppress a smile when she saw her chest gently rising and falling.
"That's my baby." She kissed Stevie's hand and held it against her cheek. "You've got this."
There was a gentle knock on the door and the nurse went to answer it. When she returned, she was accompanied by two police officers. Sheryl did a double take as she looked at the second one to walk in.
"Oh, no. Absolutely not."
"Ms Crow, my name is Officer O'Neill, this is my partner -"
"I know who he is. I'm not speaking to him."
The second officer, the one who had attended when Stevie called about the text message, stepped forward.
"Look ma'am, I'm truly sorry for what has happened here but I was doing my job."
"Well, great work, Officer," she spat at him. "Look at where you doing your job has gotten her!"
Officer O'Neill approached Sheryl, attempting to defuse the situation.
"Ms. Crow...I fully understand how you must feel right now, but we need to take a statement from you about your relationship with the person responsible. Afterwards, you're more than welcome to make a formal complaint about the LAPD's handling of your situation, but right now, I need your help to nail the guy who did this. Can you help me?"
Sheryl paused for a moment then nodded, squeezing Stevie's hand.
