I'll Hold My Breath

Chapter 3

 Meredith watched as Derek practiced before their first operation. She still couldn't believe he had agreed to help her with the trial. Of course, it was only if she agreed to go out with him but it's not as if that was a difficult thing to agree to. She was sure by the time the trial was over he'd forget about the whole thing and just bask in their success.

"Dr. Grey, you know we have to send the virus in at the same time, right?" Derek spoke.

"Seeing as it's my trial —"

"Our trial." Derek interrupted with a smirk.

"I am aware we need to send the virus in at the same time." Meredith finished.

"Would you like to practice?"

"Um, sure." Meredith said walking over to Derek.

The two of them stood side by side, preparing to send the fake virus in. Derek tried to remain focused but there was something about Meredith that just captivated him. He could smell her hair; lavender. She looked up at him and their eyes locked. Derek tried to hide his smile but it was no use. Seeing Derek smiling at her made Meredith blush and focus her attention back on their practice dummy.

"So, um, on the count of 3?" Meredith spoke.

"1..."

"2..."

"3."

They watched as the faux virsus made their way to the fake brain in perfect synchronization and made it's way to what would soon be Allison's tumor.

"We did it!" Meredith smiled at him. "That was amazing, I can't believe it. Perfectly in sync."

"Now, for the real thing. Think you're ready?" Derek asked her all the while smiling at her excitement.

********

"Don't forget to phone your mom tonight, you know she hates it when you don't call. Oh, and feed the cat, and the dog. And —" Allison said.

"You can remind me of all these things when you wake up." Her fiancee smiled and kissed her forehead.

"See you soon." Allison smiled as she was wheeled into the OR.

********

Derek and Meredith stood side by side above Allison's head, viruses at the ready.

"Just like we practiced." Derek told Meredith.

"Just like we practiced." Meredith repeated taking in a huge breath. "You count."

"1..2....3." Derek said slowly, both of them releasing the viruses on 3.

The machines started blaring, Allison had began to code. Meredith began frantically trying to revive her but Derek along with the rest of the staff knew this was the end.

"Dr. Grey —" Derek began.

"No! She doesn't get to die!" Meredith yelled.

"Meredith." Derek said softly, walking over to her and placing his hand on her shoulder. "Let her go."

"Fine." Meredith relented. "Call it."

Meredith stormed off to the scrub room, Derek following.

"Meredith." Derek said in the same tone he had in the OR.

"I don't want to hear it. This trial was a stupid idea, I'm sorry I ever told you about it. We don't have to continue it." Meredith sighed. Her mother was right, she'd never amount to anything.

"If we don't continue how else am I supposed to get my date?" Derek joked.

"Seriously? We just killed a woman and you're worried about whether or not I'll go out with you?!"

"We were trying to save her life."

"But she's dead now Derek, we killed her. Now I have to go tell her fiancee, someone who put their faith and trust in me that I killed his future bride."

"I can tell the family."

"No, this is my patient so I will tell the family." Meredith insisted.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? I'm fine."

"You're not fine." Derek said.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be fine? Because some stupid idea of mine killed a 25 year old? Ruined a family's life?"

"It's not a stupid idea Meredith, it's brilliant! Why are you so focused on this one failure. You're a surgeon, this isn't the first patient you've lost and I hate to break it to you, but it won't be the last. This trial will work, we will make this work."

"You tell the family, I'm going to do post-ops." Meredith said before leaving.