I'll Hold My Breath

Chapter 4

 They were 3 months into their trial. Within the three months they had lost 8 patients. It was hard on Meredith, but it had become easier with Derek constantly reassuring her this would work. He would tell her how brilliant this trial was and after awhile, Meredith started believing him. By now, she was confident that this trial would be a success.

They had 2 final patients they were allowed to do the trial on. Richard had said if both patients died he couldn't allow them to continue as it would look bad on the hospital. Meredith knew it would work this time; it had to.

"Damn it!" Derek yelled in frustration, throwing down his instruments as their ninth patient coded on the table. "Call it."

"Dr. Shepherd..." Meredith began.

"Call it Dr. Grey." He said in a hostile tone before leaving the OR.

"Time of death, 8:52am." Meredith called.

Meredith entered the scrub room where Derek stood, brooding.

"Seems we've switched places." Meredith remarked as she began scrubbing out.

"What?" Derek asked, confused.

"3 months ago I was the one that stormed out of the OR." Meredith joked.

"That was after we lost 1 patient, not 9." Derek replied, angrily slamming his fist down.

"What is wrong with you? For months you've been telling me this trial will work and we lose another patient and suddenly it's the end of the world."

"This trial is reckless, I never should have agreed to do this. We've killed 9 people, 9 people who have people that will grieve for these people!" Derek yelled.

"What changed since the last patient Derek?"

"What changed is we have one more patient before this trial is considered a failure!"

"This trial will not be a failure, you've been telling me that for months! We have one last chance to get it right and we are going to get it right!" Meredith yelled back. "We are going to spend every waking moment practicing so our next operation is successful."

"Fine." He sighed. "What time should we meet in the lab.

********

They spent the next few days working diligently in the skills lab. They hadn't been able to send the virus in at the exact same time since the first time they had practiced and Derek was growing more and more aggravated.

"It shouldn't be this difficult." He sighed in frustration.

"We did it once, we can do it again." Meredith replied.

"Since when did you become the positive one?"

"I'm not always dark and twisty, y'know." Meredith joked making Derek crack a smile. "We'll try one more time then you're free to go."

"Fine." He agreed.

They stood in their positions, fake viruses at the ready. They had grown so accustomed to standing beside each other it was almost second nature by now.

"On 3?" She asked.

"1....."

"2...."

"3...." He finished and they sent the viruses in.

They watched the practice brain light up just as it had their first run. They had once again, successfully synchronized the viruses.

"We did it." Meredith smiled at him.

"Thank you." Derek looked at her.

"For what?"

"Pushing me to do this. The final patient will be a success, your trial will be a success, Meredith."

"Our trial."

"Our trial." He repeated, his tone soft.

They stood there, gazing at each other. There was an undeniable spark between the two of them. Meredith looked deep into his eyes, seeing the pain the had endured and the softness that had remained throughout. It was so easy for her to get lost in his dreamy eyes. He was entranced by her eyes. They seemed to reach into him, he felt as though she were the first person to truly see him. Without hesitating, he leaned in to kiss her passionately. His hands found her hair and her arms locked around his neck, only for a moment, before pushing him away.

"I'm sorry, I can't." Meredith whispered before rushing out of the room.