I'll Hold My Breath

Chapter 1

The water looked so inviting. Meredith sat on the deck of the boat and gazed out at the calming water. She smiled and sat back, relaxing while the sun shone down on her. She couldn't remember the last vacation she'd taken. It wasn't so much a vacation as a way to avoid her still, it was a good decision on her part.

Life for Meredith had always been complicated. Her parents had divorced when she was 5 and she never saw her father again. Her mother was cold and distant. Life was lonely and Meredith intended to keep it that way. Although she didn't particularly like her mother, she has given her a lot of advice, even if it was accidental. Being cold and distant had worked well for Ellis Grey. She had never gotten hurt, at least not to Meredith's knowledge. Meredith never allowed herself to be in a relationship. She had seen that's when her mother was most fragile and Meredith didn't want to be fragile.

This cruise was a way to avoid for Meredith. She had started letting herself get close to a guy. Next thing she knew they were going on dates. Then they rarely slept alone. They were a couple. And most couples got married; or they broke up. Meredith chose the latter.

Finn had been a nice guy. He was charming and sweet and Meredith knew she could rely on him. However, she never felt the urge to open up to him. The thought that she could live with him for the next 40 years and not divulge her biggest secrets to him scared the shit out of her so she ran. She was good at running away from things.

It was her third day on the cruise and already Finn had stopped leaving messages. He had phoned her the entire first day and left voicemails. The second day he'd left only 2, the second one saying he wouldn't be waiting for her when she got back. She felt relief when he said that. She didn't know how to properly end a relationship since she was used to sneaking out of guys places before the sun rose. Meredith sighed as the breeze began to cool. It was late afternoon which meant Meredith could have a drink and not have people shake their heads at her. Being late afternoon, kids were bound to come hurdling down the deck soon enough which made Meredith long for a drink even more.

It wasn't that Meredith didn't like kids, she loved them; she just didn't like hundreds of them running wild with parents chasing after them.

Meredith entered the bar wearing a sundress accompanied with a shawl. She looked around and saw nothing but balding older men and trophy wives galore. There was definitely no intention to have any hook ups while on the cruise seeing as there really was no place to hide but it would have been nice to have the option.

The day ended in a blur. After throwing back a couple shots of tequila, Meredith headed back to her cabin to leaf through some medical journals. As much as she was loving her vacation she couldn't wait to be back in the OR.

Derek Shepherd was always a romantic. A cheesy, corny, hopeless romantic. As a kid he proposed to his second grade girlfriend after an hour, making a glittery, misspelled poster saying "Will U Merry Me". But alas that love was not meant to be.

He gazed at his girlfriend lovingly across the candlelit table. This cruise had been last minute for Derek. When his girlfriend Rose became suspicious he was hiding something he told her he had been planning a cruise. The truth was he had been trying to work up the courage to propose. Being the hopeless romantic he was, Derek was not just going to half-ass his proposal. There had been many times he could have easily popped out the engagement ring he'd been carrying around the last 2 months but it never seemed right.

"Do you want to go to the bar after this?" Rose asked, dragging Derek out of his thoughts.

"You know they serve alcohol here, right?" Derek smirked.

"It's been months since I've been to a real bar Derek. Months!"

"You go, I'll see you back in our room." Derek smiled as his girlfriend left. He threw some bills on the table and headed back to their room.