His Little One (Book 1)

18 The River'd Body

"Welcome Eos, it's good to finally be able to speak with you. I know things have been hectic with all the moving parts." The panther seethes through the screen. I laugh at their frustration. They've grown a big heart for me, and I them. It seems that we can just ramble for hours when we sit across from one another. The panther snorts through the screen when I laugh at them, their eyes scanning over me. I've never asked their name, and they only learned mine in passing. In their forms of therapy, they've found that it's easiest when you attempt to keep it less identifiable. The world is small, and it's obvious who's with who. This therapist wants to avoid being able to draw real strings between people and let it affect their normal day to day interactions. However, they've failed with me, but they know how well taken care of I am. If anything, it's added respect to the people they know around me.

"Things are crazy right now. With the training, Theo working around the clock, not to mention all the meetings that we have in preparation for... it seems the end of the world. I know it's all standard protocol but it's so overwhelming on this end of it. Like how people are used to this on a normal basis?" I grunt to the monitor. The panther nods. My reference is to the people that sign up for war and fight for freedom. No matter what side of the line they're on. From such a wide view of things I've come to know that both sides have their rights and wrongs, and humans are just stupid. All fighting for the same things in the wrong way or have no capabilities to listen to the other side when facts slap them in the face repeatedly. And this goes for anybody. Every human, mythical, and I are capable and perform it.

"How are you handling these new emotions? Are you working on our five-point breaks to help you process your new experiences?" The panther shifts in the camera, their eyes scanning over my face. I notice a red heel in the background laying across the floor, their own five o'clock shadow coming in at the chin. Seems they had a good night last night, or this morning.

Theo's letting me use his insulated office for my session. This is the last one before we travel and while I wanted to cancel, Theo thought this session was one of the most important ones. I'd agree with him if I wasn't so nervous to express my emotions to the panther. I have so many to get through I think our hour might not be long enough, "I've been working on the five-point breaks. Five things I see, four I touch, three I whatever," I wave my hand towards the camera before I recite the entire mantra to the person that prescribed it, "I'm just... so many things."

"Let's make a list together and work our way down it. Theo informed me that you're overwhelmed. I've booked a little extra time for us today."

Of course, he did. I might have to lay into him about this kind of stuff, "A list? I think I can do that." I raise my fingers on my left hand then you my point on my right to tick off the points as I make them, "One, I am having feelings of murdering someone. Genuine emotions to kill them. Two, to go in hand with that, I am terrified that I'll freeze the moment I see them. Let them kill me. Three, I'm in love with a man that's perfect. However, I'm feeling a little over cared for. He doesn't mess up, and something about that... bothers me?"

"Interesting." They say it with a smile.

"Four, I have this major guilt on my shoulders for everyone that's died. I want to run right into the wolf's territory and beg on my knees for them to stop and realize the truth." The last one is the worst to admit, the hardest secret I've been keeping so internal, "Five, I've finally realized what I want. I want a family, kids, my friends. I went to the doctor this morning to get checked over before talking to Theo about it... and they informed me that Carter wrecked me. The abuse... I have little to no chance of baring a child. I feel inadequate. Lost. In pain. Free but broken. I'm ready to fight this battle to finally taste true freedom, but I'm scared of what freedom entails."