Never should have happened

Losing someone

*Kate's POV*

I couldn't find the words to tell him how I felt. My brain was hurting and I just wanted to sleep. But I reached for his shoulders and pulled him towards me. His long arms nearly wrapped around me twice, and he held me so tightly. "I'm sorry, I promise I won't hurt you again." He whispered into my neck and I could feel his hot breath. "I'm sorry as well." I had to fight to hold back tears, I didn't want to make him feel worse. I was glad that he was here, right now, because, I was thinking about Jonathan. Jonathan was probably my best friend ever, and I'd killed him. The way I held him in my arms and I apologised to him. I didn't want to go through that again.

I had just turned 18 and I was so excited that I could drive. So excited I went to pick up Jonathan. We had been friends forever. Ever since year seven. Year seven is forever when you have braces and no friends. So I went by his house, we were going to a party. It was Nyigai's 18th and everyone was gonna be there. I was so pumped, but if I couldn't drink, then I was getting other people drunk. Jonathan was tall and awkward, he had brown hair and big feet. I loved him, only as a friend though. I didn't want to be with him, but I didn't want to lose him.

Everything was gonna great at the party. The music was loud, and was actually decent, and everyone was drunk. Including me. I know, I wasn't supposed to drink. But I did, and it was the worst mistake I've ever made. I sound like I drink a lot, but I hardly ever went out, and I drank even less often. So when I did drink, I got wasted. So I was pissed off my face, and Jonathan wasn't feeling well. He kept asking me to drive him home. And I finally caved, if I wasn't going to enjoy my time at the party, I may as well go home. So we went, kinda. I couldn't find my keys, then I couldn't find my car. I knew I wasn't sober, but I could drive home.

I couldn't. I crashed the car. Wrapped it around a pole. I was awaken by my body screaming with pain. I turned to Jonathan, he was dead. I reached over to him and cradled his head in my arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." I could tell by his eyes. His blue eyes, they were open and frozen. He was gone.

They told me he died instantly. But I knew they said it to help me. He screamed as we hit the pole, he didn't die instantly, he felt his body die, he felt his soul leave him. I watched him die. I watched my best friend die in front of me. And it was my fault. If I just hadn't have been drinking, if I had have called a cab. I could have saved him, I know CPR. I have first aid training, and I couldn't even save my best friend. He was dead, and it was my fault. I killed him. I killed my best friend. And I never told anyone.