Never should have happened

Losing myself

*Kate's POV*

"Where are you going?" I yelled after him. Bloody hell. I was still on the bed, he left so quickly I nearly fell off. I was laughing so much that my stomach started to hurt. He had the attention span of a squirrel. Always going off on tangents or wandering off in the middle of a sentence. But it was one of the things I loved about him. He always had a different topic to discuss, or another point of view. I am feeling so much better. My stomach hurts from laughing, but I'm no longer crying. I jump off the bed, and run towards the door. "Live in the now Liam." Liam was muttering to himself. I knew he was planning something, and I wanted to be a part of it. I never wanted to lose him, and I wanted to have a future with him. I'd never though I'd have a future like this, I thought that I would be dead.

I had a lot of friends. Well I knew a lot of people. I'd walk through school, and say hi to so many people. But I only had three best friends. Two, I couldn't count Jonathan anymore. It was hard losing him, and only one person knew what had happened. My best friend, Meg. She'd been there for me through everything. I'd called her the night he'd died. And she told me that I could make it better, even if I'd killed him, i could make it better. She was also my saviour. I didn't really tell people, but I have depression. Meg and Brianna were the only people who knew, except for my stupid counsellor. But Meg had saved my life. She had come into my life at one of my darkest times, and she had stayed with, even through all my relapses and stupid mistakes. I did lie to her though, I told her I was getting better and that I'd stopped cutting. But I was writing a suicide letter. I'd planned it all out.

I said the usual things about how sorry I was, even though it was all a lie to me, I wasn't sorry I was finally taking control. I wrote so many poems about the way I felt, and when Meg found them, we both cried. I couldn't believe that someone that upset at the thought of losing me. But I had a plan. I knew what I had to do. I wrote another poem, for Meg, my best friend, so she would remember me. And understand the pain I felt, just being alive. And I knew that as I took these pills, that I was done for.

I woke up to hear her crying, her face buried in my stomach. The beeping of machines copying my heart beat. I started to cry. I was supposed to be dead, why had I survived. I did everything perfectly, I had planned it perfectly. I should be dead. Why wasn't I dead? "I'm sorry I didn't help you. Please let me help you live now, you have a big future. I know it." She whispered through sobs into my shirt. I can't believe I thought she would be better off without me. We needed each other. "I'm not going anywhere, you can't get rid of me that easily." I stumbled through the words so clumsily. I couldn't believe I was still alive. Maybe I had a purpose after all, maybe other people needed me. "I'm going to read to you, the last thing you were going to write to me." She spoke so calmly, and I knew what she was about to read, my last poem.

The poem:

Have you ever had a moment
When everything around you fell apart
The air in your lungs left you
And you thought you'd stopped your beating heart

Everything was frozen
And time really just sat there still
Your stomach started hurting
And nothing in the world could ever heal

The pain of living
Became all to true
You thought you'd fought it
You'd thought you'd grew

That moment then
With no love or friends
That second when
Your life might end

You try again
Smiling through the pain
Trying so hard
Only yourself to blame

You fight your mind
Each second you breathe
You want to give in
You just want to leave

You hold onto hope
No matter the cost
But when you look back
You see what is lost

You might be here still
But what was the price
Your love has all left you
You're frozen like ice

Your heart beats cold
Each second goes on
You loved the world
But your mind is gone

She cried from the beginning to end, and hugged me so tightly. I knew that I had to stay, if not for myself, then for her.