Never should have happened

Her fall

*Liam's POV*

I could hear her crying, it tugged at my heart and I felt so responsible and pained. I couldn't stand to know I made her feel this way, but I knew I couldn't tell her the truth either. I could feel the cold air of the fridge against my hands and face. I realised that I wasn't even looking for anything anymore, I was just sitting here, on the floor of our tiny little kitchen thinking. I had to stop, thinking about this, it wasn't helping anyone, especially not Kate. But I couldn't shut my brain up, the thoughts kept flowing, no matter how hard I tried to stop them. I'd slipped back, before I knew her, I had serious depression and anxiety. If it wasn't for her, right now, I'd be dead. She saved my life in so many ways that I couldn't even explain, she was the light at the end of a tunnel, but that light was fading. I felt bad, because it wasn't her fault, and I didn't want her to feel pressured by me, and my problems.

There was nothing that I wanted more than to tell her what was going through my mind. But I couldn't even begin to understand, nor could I articulate the way I felt. I loved Kate so much, so much more than I could understand. I wanted to change the way things were though, the way that I would let negativity in. I wanted to stop letting in the bad thoughts. And I wanted to find my positivity, and hold onto it no matter what. I had to fix what I had screwed up first. I can't believe that she still loved me after everything I put her through.

Ever since we started dating, I always found an excuse to hide my feelings, or to push them aside. As soon as I met her, I knew I loved her, but it took me nearly two years to say it. My past was to blame, according to her amateur psychology skills. The fear of being hurt or abandoned, stopped me from expressing my true feelings, from taking risks. Letting myself love Kate, and be honest and open about it, was my biggest risk. But it was the best risk I had ever taken. We had come so far, but still I was letting my negativity ruin what we had. I had to go fix this. It was what needed to happen.

I got up, slowly and clumsily, my long legs had gone to sleep while I'd been kneeling on the floor. I had to go help her, she deserved better than to be treated like this. I walked to our bedroom, each sob she made, it felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart, the pain was so real, I was sure someone was actually hitting me. I was standing at the door, and knocked quietly, she stopped crying instantly, I could tell she had heard me. "Please baby, open the door, I'm sorry" I stumbled through the words, trying to hide the pain I was in. I heard her climb off the bed and walk towards the door, she stopped. I heard her hit the floor. The sound was loud and filled our house, it shook the table behind me. And the silence that followed was deafening. I don't think our house had ever been so quiet, I could hear my heart beating, and I could hear my heavy and uneven breathing. Now was not the time for my stupid lungs to give up, or for my heart to explode.

Please god let her be okay. "Kate, Kate! Are you okay? What's wrong?" I yelled at the door, not knowing if she was alive or dead. I heard her start crying again, thank god. She was alive. "Please open the door, let me help you." She unlocked the door, and I rushed into the room, she was on the floor, her makeup everywhere and her forehead was bleeding. "I think I hit my head," she breathed through sobs, "I think it's bleeding." She reached up to touch her head, I pushed her hand away, not wanting her to see the blood, I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it, she never could. Even when she got a paper cut, she would call me to help. This brought back a weird memory. It reminded me of when we met, the party. That night, there was something about it. I knew right then, that I would love her forever. And to think, I wasn't even supposed to be there, I shouldn't have met her, and this shouldn't be happening. How different life would be if I had never met her.