"yea, Mom." I barely mumble, not turning to look at the door.
"Okay well there's food on the stove but if you don't want that I left some money on the counter."
"Okay," I say, my voice coming out low. With no motivation behind it at all. I hear my mom sigh in defeat before closing my room door.
It's been two days since the thing at Abel's house and I've been in bed ever since. I came home, went straight to my room, and just cried. For hours. Part of me is trying to pretend like it didn't bother me but the stronger part of me is making me feel like shit for even thinking something good could've happened between us.
I was stupid for thinking that because I invite her over and we talk for a few minutes we could've been friends. Or even more than that. I laugh to myself in my head at how stupid that even sounds.
No one wants me. Not even my mom. She tried her best with me and all I do is just shut her away. If my mom doesn't want me how could I expect a stranger to want me?
I shift in my bed trying to think of something else. Anything else? I'll probably take more edibles and fall asleep. That's what I've been doing for the past couple of days. Either smoking or taking edibles and going to sleep.
Sleep has become my way of forgetting about my issues. I turn to my nightstand a pull out a baggy of gummies from the open drawer. Barely moving, I open it and put two in my mouth, and chew until I swallow.
When I do I sigh and shift into a comfortable sleeping position. It usually takes 20-30 minutes to kick in but hopefully getting comfortable will speed up the pace.
☆
I never fell asleep. 3 hours. I've been up since three hours ago when I took that edible. I'm high, of course, just not sleeping. Which sucks because I didn't want to deal with reality, but I decided to make today a self-care day before school tomorrow.
I door-dashed some new makeup and skincare along with wings and snacks. I got the munchies. As I wait for my things to get here I walk to the living room tv and look for something to watch.
I press the Disney+ icon because I want to watch something light. I don't have the heart to watch romance right now. Which would usually be my go but I'd rather avoid it.
