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TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions and descriptive writing of suicide.
SAYING I DON'T KNOW how to feel would be an understatement. My head is Turing and my feelings can't stay the same for a long amount of time so I actually have no how I'm doing or how I feel. She fell asleep some time ago so I put on my clothes and slippers to take a walk. It's dark and I shouldn't be walking around a foreign island at 2 am with nothing to protect myself but oh well. I've already been hurt enough, there's nothing anyone could to to make it worse.
I find a spot on the beach and turn my headphones up to the loudest volume. "Born to die" by Lana Del Ray plays loudly in my ears as I walk along the separation of the ocean and the sand. Every other minutes a tiny wave comes and washes over my feet. It's comforting, somewhat, but I don't think anything could comfort me right now.
Every other second my eyes brim with tears when I think about her. It's hard to think about her not being here. It's even harder to think about her being dead. I won't let it happen. I can't. I'll hate myself forever. I set a reminder on my phone to text my mom first thing in the morning. She'll know what to do.
She and I aren't in the best spot but she'd never turn away someone in need, especially someone sick. Well take our flight back tomorrow and our first stop will be my house. As for tonight I find myself walking back to the villa to get some rest. I know I won't get much because my mind will be racing all night.
I take a great look at the ocean and night skynonce more before I leave. I've never been so mesmerized by a place but puerto rico changed me forever. I make my way back to the room and trying my best to not make noise.
I tip-toe back to bed and slide under the covers with her. She's snoring lightly and her hair is all over her face. I push it away and cover her with the blanket once more. "I love you." I whisper in her ear before placing a soft kiss on her lips. With that I lie back and prepare for our trip home tomorrow
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"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP" My eyes quickly flutter open at the sound of my obnoxious alarm going off. I quickly turn it off in hopes of not waking her. We still have 4 hours for our flight to leave. I set the alarm so we could have time to pack up anything that's left but I'll do it myself. She needs as much rest as she can get.
I sit up and stare at her. She looks so peaceful when she's asleep. So we'll rested. I lean over and press a Kiss on her lips. I get a feel of her arm and I realize her body is cold. I quickly cover her with blankets and get up to get dressed and packed.
I text my mom and Abel letting them know well be back today. My mom hearts my message and Abel responds with see you soon. I wonder if he knows. Would she tell him before me? It wouldn't be shocking. She knew him long before she's known me and I'm not entirely sure how close they are with one another.
