Imperfectly Perfect

My Bunny

'I... Can we please not talk about the past?' Tine stammered. Even after all these years, I can see how much my words affect him. He claims to have changed. But only I can feel how he is still the same. My seventeen year old cute and innocent bunny. He grew up well even without me by his side. His innocent and cute face has now become more attractive. His eyes still contain the same sparks, but with a tint of pain in them; his both became more muscular and has become taller than me by a few centimeters. Is he working out? Back then, he is used to be lazy to even jog in the morning and I had to call him every now and then to make him work out a bit to keep a healthy body. Even with all these changes, his bunny smile still remains unchanged and I am glad. but he still hasnt given me his usual smile. He was faking smile all these time and i could feel it in my guts. doesnt he smile often? My bunny... after all these years of waiting, fate finally brought us together. I cant believe we are gonna...

'Are you  gonna continue staring at me and smile? Jeez... Its freaking me out dude.' The bunny rolled his eyes. Thats when i realized that i have been staring at him for the past couple of minutes. My bunny... Is he not happy to see me? Isnt he excited tat we are gonna be together now? I have so many questions in my mind that i am actually afraid that i would ask all of it in one go.

'Sorry. I was thinking about something. So Tine, if we are not gonna talk about our past, then i guess we should at least talk about our future, since we are gonna get married in a month'. I sneered at him. 

I could feel my Bun standing in front of me out of words and looking cluelessly at his collection of books. He is nervous and clueless. 'Bun? you okay?'

He raised his eyes in shock. 'Y..Yeah, all good. Uhm... can you not call me that ?'he asked looking painfully hurt. 

I could only stare at him confusingly as a reply. no words came out of my mouth. Is he in pain? Why does he look hurt now? I should be the one heart broken here, not him na? i wouldnt dare say that. i cant and I will not lose my bunny again, i swore in my mind.

'Tine!' I could hear his mom calling him from outside the room. so we build up our usual expressions and instantly wore a fake smile. ' You guys can talk later son. talk to your in laws for a bit too, especially his mom', his mom said with a smile on her face. 

'Yes Mom, I.. I will be there in a minute now', he replied looking at me. 

'Phi, Can we talk some other time?'

'Sure, can i take you for lunch tomorrow, if you dont mind?'

'NO! I mean I have work tomorrow and I will be busy. we can text... I dont think I will be free enough to have lunch or dinner with you... I am still an assistant editor.. so i have workload more than necessary'. my nong gave me a weak and weird smile saying this. Why do i have this feeling that he doesnt want to be with me? I could only hum on his excuse and exchange numbers with him. Texting it is then. 

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At night, I could only think about Tine, my Tine. Even after all these years, he still makes my heart flutter. His sparkling eyes and his bunny smile makes me crazy... I wish I could have spent more time with him... Our family seemed pretty happy after our engagement, especially my mom. she is extra happy. She had always liked Tine, even if they met only once. but Tine's family had a hard time accepting him and his sexuality. Their son, who used to be a chic boy and flirt with all the pretty girls, was in a relationship with a guy? Well, I dont blame them. Anyone will get mad suddenly seeing their straight son hugging a boy and kissing his cheeks in public right? but today it seems like they are happy with everything, including Tine being a bi and Type being  gay for my friend Man. Looking back at the old days, Type and Man must have suffered after our breakup. of course they would have. Type met Man in all these mess. though at first, Man had a hard time wooing Type, I am glad Type accepted Man and showed enough courage to come out in front of his family. Sometimes I wonder, where it went wrong in mine and Tine's relation. We were so in love and crazy for each other. Even when his parents parents emotionally blackmailed him and even threatened to disown him, he never gave up on our love. I t was so much for a sixteen year old boy to do. But what happened suddenly that Tine walked away from our relationship without even telling me, not even a text message. 

I still remember those sleepless nights i spent staring at his photos. I even tried his instagram, but he had blocked me. I had my university to attend on the other hand. I went to Thamassat University in Bangkok and was pursuing my degree in Business adminstration then. secretly I always wished for Tine to take admission here, so that atleast i can see him sometimes. Man once told me that he was doing his degree in Chiang mai university. Thats all i knew about him, until four year later,  I found that Tine got admission in the most prestigious university here, the Chulalongkorn University! But i knew nothing about him other than that. One of his friends I heart still ached for my bunny. I missed. I dont know how I survived all these years without him. But I was lucky that he unblocked me in instagram in his first year in the university. I got to see his pictures atleast, his friends and how is he. He was doing his masters in Comparative literature. It was first time hearing such a branch of literature. But he looked happy in those pictures. I also noticed that he only posted 2 pics before coming to the Chulalongkorn university. I wonder what happened there because Tine was crazy when it came to social media. He used to post a lot. Thoughout these years, Tine was like a piece of mystery to me. Sometimes I felt like he was genuinely happy living his life, but sometimes I felt like he was depressed and alone while seeing the posts he wrote in his blog. 

Today my Tine was looking so beautiful that I wanted to hug him there in front of everyone. You may think that I am crazy, But Sarawat without his Tine is impossible. He is my everything. My reason to live. My lil ball of sunshine who taught me to live again and reconcile with my family. I can assure you that you can never find anyone like my Tine in this entire universe. Even if he hurts me again, I will continue to love him till the end, because I know my Tine loves me or loved me. It was never a teenage crush or a mere infatuation for him, it was love, pure love for me. If you ask me how I know these, then his poems would give you the best reply. He used to write for me, about us and he still does; in the anonymous blog that he has created a few years back. Call me a stalker, i dont care. All I need is to know how my Tine is doing. I donno anything personal about him though, like what he does now or where he lives, nothing. But even if I cant be with my Tine, I had sworn that I would live my whole life loving him. My Tine deserves all the love in the world and I will always make sure he is loved. I loved him and I will love him till the end.  We werent together, but i was happy that atleast we share the same sky! 

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It was a long chapter! Pheeeww!  I wrote this chapter from Wat's POV, to show his emotions and the pure love he has for his Tine. Wat never hesitated to show his love and thats why I was written this chapter frm WAT's POV. but Tine's story is more complicated. He broke up with Wat eight years ago, without any reason. He claims to dislike Wat now, but we never know what destiny holds for us. and also Comparative Literature is an dealing with the study of and cultural expression across , , geographic, and boundaries. and Tine has masters in CL. 

PS: In my story Wat is older than Tine by 2 years and I am extremely sorry for making the first 2 chapters really boring. 

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Love, 

Miss Bunny