Imperfectly Perfect

I am sorry

Its only 2 days till the wedding now. I don't know if I should talk to P'Wat or not. As far as I know him, he would be blaming himself for sending those messages now. I know I have to talk to him before the wedding, but I don't know how to. Should I tell him everything? Will he hate me after hearing them? I am perplexed right now. While one part of me wants to tell him the truth and get away from him, another part wants him by my side forever.

I was staring at the manuscripts that I have to edited when I saw my phone ringing. It was as expected, my mom. I picked up the call wondering what to tell her about me and Phi.

"Hello"

"Tine... How are you my son?"

"I am good mom. Is there any specific reason why you called me at this time? You know its my office hour right?"

"Cant I just simply call my son? And about the office hour, I know you are allowed to take calls. I called you today because we have not talked since your... engagement day. I know you have a lot of questions you want ask me, but why weren't you picking up my calls or call me back? Are you upset with us? Don't you want this marriage?"

I let out a small laugh hearing her. Really mom? There was nothing shocking as much as seeing P'Wat as my future husband that day. I was feeling mixed emotions. I was running away from him and our past all these years and here I am, going to marry the same person who I wanted to forget so bad.

"Tine? You there?"

"Uhm.. Yeah I am still here. I was thinking about something."

"you know we love you right. We are doing this for your sake only son... Wat is a nice guy and I am sure you will be happy after the marriage."

This time I could not hide my laughter from her and I laughed.

"I know you and dad both love me. But are sure you guys did not fix this marriage to lessen your guilt? I don't know mom. I will marry him if that's what you all want. But stop playing with my emotions and my life."

"Tine..."

"its fine mom. I am ok. After the marriage, please keep your promise to never try to manipulate and control my life again. I am not the 17 years old Tine anymore. I want my life back. Please be happy for me whatever I do. I will get married this time and we are done. You wanted me to get married, and I am getting married."

" Its not like that so. We never manipulated you. We just wanted the best for you. Marrying Sarawat is the best for you. We have seen how much you both suffered without eachother. If you didn't love him, you would have married Pear last time we arranged the marriage for you. You and Sarawat are made for eachother and we saw how your eyes were filled with the same love. Maybe with Sarawat in your life, your mind will also be relaxed and we will get back our old Tine back and...

That's it. She is doing it again.

"Ma, can you stop please stop it?!", I snarled. She does not have any right to bring up my past again and again and hurt me with them.

" I am marrying like you wanted. So now can u please stop talking about those things again? Cant you see how much I get hurt whenever you talk about those things?"

"son... " her voice softened. " I didn't mean to hurt you anyway. I am sorry. I just want you to be happy. I am sorry son that I always bring up that topic."

I could feel her voice breaking. I don't wanna see her sad.

" Mom, its fine. I am fine and happy the way I am. If you think Phi Wat is the best for me, then I am willing to give us another chance. You know I trust your opinions right?"

" You deserve to be happy. I want my old Tine back. I don't want to see you suffer again and take those pills again. Talk to Sarawat. I know you both have a lot to talk. "

"Okay mom. I will go now. I have work to complete before I come home tomorrow. Love you mom"

"Bye son. See you tomorrow. And consider what I said okay? Love you too."

"bye mom."

I hung up the call and leaned on my chair only to close my eyes and massage my forehead. Today is gonna be a long day. I checked the time. Its only 11 am now. I have work to finish, but my mind is replaying whatever my mom said. She wants me happy by getting married to the same person I broke up eight years back. How ironic it is. She wants me happy. I repeated the sentence like a mantra. I have to be happy. My mom wants the best for me and she does not want me to start taking pills again. But she does not have to know how much I am suffering and that I never stopped taking my pills. I deserve to be happy. But will I find my happiness?

I took my phone and sighed. I had talk to him.

Phi, can we meet? We have to talk.

I texted him and kept on staring at the screen. My message was read in an instant as if he was waiting for my text.

Sure. When do you want to meet? Text me the time and place. I will be done with my work by 6 today.

I will come to your office and pick you up at 6 15 then. I want to take you somewhere. I replied

Okay then. I will be waiting for you.

I will be waiting for you. He always waited for me. He never left. I was the one who left him. Maybe our marriage is my second chance to correct many things that I wronged in the past.

I missed you|

I missed yo|

I missed y|

I missed|

I misse|

I miss|

I mis|

I mi|

I m|

I |

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I guessed I will never have the courage to say all these things to you phi. I have become a coward who does not even know what I really want. I am sorry...

Sorry for the very late reply. I am busy with studies as i am in my final semester. 

what do u guys think of the story? i am changing the story into a mature story as the story will some mental health issues and some mature stuffs. I hope you are interested in reading my story.

PS: should i make the story mpreg? can u give your opinion pleasse? 🥺