The Girl Who Broke

Chapter 18: Suicide Scare

Chapter 18

I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't want to be friends with a guy so i could be his sex monkey. I had just began to admit that i was beautiful when my family started fighting and my ex became extra needy.

A few of years ago, i wrote this in my notes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reasons why I want to kill myself (and self harm):

• Everyone hates me

• Waste of resources to the world

• Ruining others' lives

• I piss people off

• Drama

• I don't have anyone that I'm living for anyways

• My friends don't really care and they like to ditch me for other friends

• People like to make fun of me and call me a bitch, ugly, and fat

• I am very hard to handle

• I will never be loved

• I have disorders

• My friends always say that it's all my fault for having the disorders

• People always misinterpret them and think I'm crazy

• People bully me

• My friends like to hurt me

• I feel so alone

• I wouldn't annoy my friends with my problems

• Raise awareness of my disorders and showing people how severe they are and how it IS out there

• I would get revenge on people who have hurt me

• Maybe people would love me after I'm dead

• Boys hate me (they won't date me)

• I am useless anyways

• Maybe someone would start to care

• I wouldn't have a consequence

• My friends wouldn't be pissed off at me

• My friends wouldn't worry about me anymore (if any ever did)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I read that list over and over again. I decided that i wasn't going to deal with my ex boyfriend anymore. I decided to text him:

"Don't be surprised if you hear that i went to the hospital tomorrow."

"What did i do?" "What did i do?" "Was it my fault?" "Why?"

"No." I replied. I jumped in the shower to try to wash off the feelings.

Pretty soon, everything i had was blowing up with texts from him and Caitlin. He texted her.