Heavy is the Head

Anon - 2

Chapter 26

✧"Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our powers." - Mignon McLaughlin ✧ 

I had grown up hearing the word 'different' used to describe me a lot in my childhood and early adolescence. My brain didn't work in the same way as other people and because of this, there were a lot of people who were afraid of me. My parents included. Strict rules and regulations were forced upon me from an extremely young age. I didn't go to school. I didn't have any friends. The only taste of freedom I had was when I was sent away to live with Adelaide, Kingsley and Snow White. But you know how that went already.

The topic area that I chose to research was the scientific study of magic. Of course, this isn't what I told my parents. As far as they knew, I had chosen cosmology and it was from this area of study that my idea began to blossom. All in all, it took a total of six years for me execute my plan because as I began to learn more and more, I realised that it wasn't going to be enough for me to just escape my parents' clutches. I wanted more than that. I wanted revenge.

 In the meantime, late at night, I had to steal small scrap pieces of paper and tiny pencils during the day that nobody would miss to continue writing stories and poems. I would sit with my back against the locked door and the large triangle window in front of me and write in tiny handwriting everything that I felt necessary to write. Alongside this small act of rebellion, occasionally I would fold the pieces of paper up into tiny little squares and hide them behind the paintings on the walls. It was a tiny act of mutiny in the grand scheme of things but to me then, it meant everything.

I made my first big breakthrough a year after I came back. The day had begun as it normally did. At 7am, I was given breakfast and then brought to the library where I was provided with all of the research papers, journals and books on cosmology that was necessary for my studies. I was also provided with a laptop which looked exactly like my old one except for all of the internet restrictions that had been added to it. 

The library was a spacious room lit by natural light coming from a window that overlooked the front garden. It contained tall bookcases lining the walls and a table with a painting of my parents hanging above it and it was at this table that I would spend most of the day working. Every now and then, I would lose track of all the reasons I had for fighting back but when I looked up to see their smug faces smiling down at me, I was fueled with anger and determination to carry it through. Across from the painting was a triangular stain-glass window and a grandfather clock with a broad snowflake carving in the center of its pendulum. It had been my favourite room in the entire place before now. I'm also quite sure that my parents knew of this fact, hence the reason it was chosen as my jail. However, ultimately, I had the last laugh because the reason for it being my favourite was the stone statue of a horse in the corner, which was the way to access the secret room containing books and journals on the history of magic.

Along with the furniture, I also had a member of staff sitting directly behind me on one of the small sofas ready to report to either one of my parents the moment it looked like I was doing anything that looked suspicious. This was nearly always a maid named Gerda who I hated for several reasons beyond her being a key instrument in my confinement.

First of all, she would always pretend like she actually cared about my well-being with her smiles and cheery greetings of, "How are we this morning?"

Secondly, she always had some sort of cold and so was always sniffing and bringing her fancy embroidered handkerchief up to her mouth to sneeze into. 

And finally, she breathed extremely loudly whenever she peered over my shoulder like she could tell the difference between cosmology and scientific studies on magic. Even if she could, I had a thousand airtight excuses lined up at this point if questions were asked. 

Normally, I would spend around a quarter of the day doing what I was 'supposed' to be doing and then would tell Gerda that I needed to get a few more books. That left me with around ten minutes to get to and from the secret room that contained all of the books on magic that had been hidden away and swap book jackets around. On the day that things finally started progressing, I decided to take a massive risk and talk to Gerda.

"How long have you been working here for? And how did you get this job?" I asked, knowing the answer already. I had memorised every single member of staff in the place at this point. It wasn't particularly hard to do considering the fact that the staff had been reduced years ago so that only people essential to the running of household remained.

Gerda stumbled over her words, surprised at being acknowledged for once. "For as long as I can remember. My pa used to be the head cook here, and my ma would bring me along to help with the cleaning sometimes, may she rest in peace"

"I see. And whatever did happen to your parents?" I asked, the corner of my mouth twitching upwards when Gerda flinched. 

"Pa retired."

"And..."

Gerda frowned, wringing her hands together. "Ma stopped working here when Pa did." 

"That's not the way I remember things happening." I said, enjoying watching her squirm. "See, I heard that the last head cook had an affair with one of the maids and that his wife was so humiliated by the whole thing that she moved to a completely different country to start a new life, leaving their only daughter in the care of her previous employers."

"How dare you?" Gerda cried, angry red splodges forming on her cheeks. "That isn't true!"

I started a little bit at the sudden burst of noise. My days were very dreary and dull so this small piece of excitement was quite entertaining. However, I had made Gerda angry for a reason and I couldn't lose focus. I murmured one of the incantations I'd memorised from a book from the secret room while staring directly at Gerda's wobbling face as she continued to snivel her way through more denials.

A single teardrop travelled it's way down Gerda's face and she brought her hands up to her face with wide eyes, swiping away the tears that followed. "Wha... I..."

"Why are you so upset if it isn't true?" I asked, leaning back into my chair, watching a waterfall stream its way down Gerda's cheeks. 

"You... You...." Gerda rose to her feet in a flurry of anger and confusion, dabbing at her eyes with her handkerchief. As she stormed out of the library, angrily huffing about how horrible I was, I picked up all of the books from the secret room and quickly put them back where they belonged so that I was ready in position when Father entered the room.

"Taken a sudden interest in aggravating the staff, have you?" He asked, watching me lower my gaze to the maroon-red carpet, feigning remorse. "Show me what you have done today."

So I did and once I had finished, I murmured the incantation and watched as beads of sweat began to form on my father's forehead. 

And I realised that this was the beginning of everything.