Red Hood And The Widow

Chapter 2: Stark Antics

IRON MAN 2

"Oh God, I'm done. I'm serious." Tony in his Iron man suit without the helmet on, lifts his head from the toilet bowl and waves away Max who is looking completely amused, and Pepper who just looks exasperated with his antics. "Give me a little space," Tony says groaning and grunting exaggeratedly into the toilet bowl. "Get up," Pepper sighs irritated squinting at Tony.

Oh, God," Tony moans in mock pain. "I can't go through with it. I'm telling you," He leans up with his metal hands gripping the edge of the toilet bowl. "We don't have time for this. We have to go," Pepper snaps at him. She hears Max snicker next to her and gives him a reproachful look, to which he holds his hands up in surrender still with an amused smile on his face.

"Oh God, you don't wanna see that," Tony says in disgust and closes the lid, flushes the toilet, and gets up to his feet grabbing a piece of toilet paper to wipe his mouth. He stumbles over to the doorway and stares at Max and Pepper. "How do I look? Do I look weird?" Tony asks with heavy breaths. "Like a million bucks," Max snorts trying to contain his laughter and giving him a thumbs up.

Tony ignores him and stares at Pepper who looks unimpressed with his dramatics. "You look like you do every day," Pepper sighs irritated. "You look like you have a hangover," She says shaking her head and shrugging. "Which might I say is quite impressive," Max quips helpfully. Tony walks unsteadily away from the mini-toilet to the back of the plane with Max and Pepper following behind him. "Miss me with shame-throwing will ya," Tony says breathing raggedly, and points back to the toilet with a horrified look on his face. "I literally almost just died in there. Give me some toast! Give me some crackers! Ginger ale! Anything. Give me some Advil!" Tony rambles off looking around the cargo hold with hazy eyes and then plops down on a bench.

"Would you like some Pretzel sticks as well," Max says dryly looking down at his older brother amused. "I don't have Advil. I've got Motrin," Pepper tells Tony as she helps him get situated on the bench. "Motrin?" Max says with his face scrunched up in disgust. "I'm telling you there is something seriously wrong-" "Yes there is something seriously wrong with you!" Pepper interrupts yelling and leaning down to his eye level. "-with giving a grown man Motrin," Tony finishes his sentence looking at Pepper in disbelief.

"It's a brand name," Pepper retorts. "I'm not on my cycle Pepper!" Tony shouts at her. "It's Ibuprofen." Pepper shouts right back. "For God's sake." She grumbles irritated as she hears the alarm go off and the Pilot announces that they're close to the drop-off zone. "Abort Mission!" Tony yells as he is being helped up by a laughing Max. Tony pushes out of Max's grasp, gasping and groaning. Pepper hurries over holding onto his arm and trying to keep him balanced while she fumbles with his Iron man helmet.

"There it is," Tony points and stumbles towards the oxygen masks. "Abort" Tony screams in Max's face as he walks past him, causing him to wince. "Dick" Max glares at Tony giving the finger. "Tell them to stop saying we're dropping!" Tony glares at Pepper pointing toward the front of the plane. Tony pulls out the oxygen mask and puts it on taking a deep breath and sighing. "We are not doing this mission!" He screams harshly again looking to the front of the plane and putting the mask back on to take a breath.

"We are not aborting the mission!" Pepper yells laughing nervously and looking pleading toward Max for help, who just gives her a thumbs up and mouths 'you're doing great'.  "Do you have any idea the level of coordination it took for the D.O.D to approve this!" Pepper hisses angrily grabbing onto Tony's shoulder, and glaring at him. He briefly removes the mask and retorts "Send them flowers," and puts it back on.

Max is just standing to the side laughing and enjoying every minute of his older brother's theatrics. He gets a sharp glare from Pepper which only causes him to laugh even harder. Pepper sighs tiredly wondering how she got stuck on a cargo plane with these two headaches. She looks off to the side seeing the cargo bay doors opening. "We are over the drop zone," Pepper informs Tony putting a hand on his back. She stumbles back a step when he turns around abruptly. "What?" Tony asks calmly after yanking off the oxygen mask.

"Yes," Pepper says exasperated, and takes a step closer to Tony and gives him a scolding glare. Her scowl falls when she sees how close they are and her eyes soften. "Let's do this baby," Tony says taking a deep breath, exhaling, turning away from her, and walking towards the cargo bay doors. Pepper smiles softly and follows behind him. "I really thought you two were going to kiss," She hears Max say behind her and rolls her eyes. Tony takes Peppers' arms and stares into her eyes intensely.

"I know I can be selfish sometimes," Tony starts looking serious catching Pepper off guard with his sudden change of demeanor. Max stares at them in anticipation of the bullshit he knows is about to come out of Tony's mouth. "And I know I don't say it enough," Tony continues looking at her intensely and she just stares at him in shock. "But," He pauses and takes a deep breath "How's my hair?"

Max burst into laughter at the blank look on Pepper's face. "I fucking love you man," Max says wheezing in laughter to which Tony just smirks at him. "God he's such a dick," Jason says chuckling and shaking his head. "I know right," Max thinks looking at Pepper who after a moment just blinks and looks so done. "You've said that before," She says shaking her head. "No, but this time I mean it. Do I look PC enough? Do I need more product?" Tony says gesturing towards his hair. "Yeah you're looking good," She says dryly with a tight smile. "Do you like wind-blown love?" He whips his head around shaking out his hair in the wind. "Yeah," She just nods tight smile still in place.

"Okay give me a smooch for good luck. I might not make it back," Tony shrugs and nods toward the outside of the plane "Heavy stuff,". Pepper looks him dead in the eyes and smiles coyly lifts his Iron man helmet and gives it a long, lingering kiss on the mouth slit. Tony just looks at his helmet enviously. Pepper turns and throws the helmet out of the back of the plane. She turns back to him and gives him a bright smile "Go get'em, Boss,"

Tony gives her a smirk and walks and just before jumping off the plane, turns and yells "You complete me!"

"He really is something isn't he?" Max says watching Tony fly away. "Yeah a pain in the ass," Pepper scoffs but smiles.