Just Call Me Sarah

Day 11: Your Lips

Dear Diary....

It's been almost two weeks since I have met Eddie. You still cannot believe you get to be friends with someone, especially someone you found so cool. Eddie was free to roam about and seemed to live by his own code of conduct.

He was refreshing and made you smile. Will had found out about the two of you, he came by Eddie's van one day and was filled with curiosity at the two of you. He ended up getting Eddie his own notepad and that made Eddie jump around super happy. The new form of communication was that both of you would write in your separate pads and then show the other what you were trying to say.

He now swings by the house to pick me up, my parents were worried at first, he doesn't look like most of the boys around town. Once they realized that he was a welcome distraction for you and that maybe their little girl had made a friend they welcomed the new boy into your life.

You had learned that he liked music he called "Metal" and that the vibrations and tones you felt and enjoyed from his van were from some of his favorite songs. He would blast the music as he drove you to school, watching you lay back in the passenger seat. You would close your eyes and let sensation of the new songs take over your being. It was like a dream.

One of the other things you started to notice was Eddie would find you randomly throughout the day. He would push his notepad up with the same word "HI" in big letters. You were unsure why he was showing you so much attention but you always would sign "HI" back and that would make him grin.

Today though as you pull into the school you find Eddie places a hand on your knee, he looked over at you and it seemed like he was deep in thought. You placed your hand on his and then moved your face close to his, he jumped back a bit and looked at you.

I pull out my notepad and write, "what's wrong?"

"I don't want to go to school today." He looked up at you and frowned.

"Why not?" I held his gaze, one of the things you found so relieving about Eddie was his eye contact. Once he found out that you needed that eye contact to communicate he was adamant about not breaking it. You wanted to absorb all the pieces of his face, knowing that the lines and freckles of his skin moved differently if he was concerned, happy or in this case sad. He went to write in his notepad but then just threw it into the back of the van, he slammed his hands against the steering wheel and looked at you.

Oh no. He was frustrated we couldn't talk like normal people. He was sad because he wanted to tell you what was wrong.

I picked up my pen, "I can go to school by myself. You don't have to go, I'll figure it out. I'm sorry I'm so difficult, I wish I could talk to you normally."

I hand him the notepad but I didn't want to wait for his response, I hopped out of the van, my brain internally screaming that I had messed this up. That my hindrance on everyone had again taken another person from my life. I felt tears trying to free themselves. So I ran, I ran towards the school and I made it to the girl's restroom. I knew I could hide there.

I sat silently, letting my breathing calm down, letting my tears fall. Thinking about how I must have been a burden on Eddie. He wanted a regular friend not me. It was too much to communicate with you.

I didn't know what to do. In that moment I wanted to dissolve into the floor, become a part of the world, go away. It was a weird feeling, I hadn't felt this depressed and now I didn't want to be at school.

I feel around in my back pack, I needed something to clean up my face and then I notice a pair of converse behind the stall door. I see a notepad slide under the door.