The World Inside Our Dreams: Book One

In Joo

We're so close. Too close to the date of our departure. The day when we can finally fly away.

I've had many dreams like that before. I've been having them again. I see myself on the rooftop of this old apartment building. Everything is in its place. The hanging clothes. The small bench. In-hye's guitar. The many pots of dead plants. I stand on the high edge of the rooftop. I see the dirty streets stories under my feet and as I turn to look to my side, my sisters stand by the door. They wait for me and watch quietly.

I never jumped before in these dreams. I always just stared out at the small speck of the city where people lived with no worries. But in last night's dream, I finally jumped off and suddenly woke up.

I wish I could have known what awaited me once I jumped off. Will we fall if we leave or will we fly?

In-kyung came in one night to tell us that she had finally placed Ms. Lee as director of our aunt's company. I gave her a hug and proudly smiled at her. In-hye quietly ate dinner at the table. She still has her cast on, so she slowly eats her meals with her left hand. She quietly watched us be excited and she finally said, "Why are you giving away your position? Does this have to do with us not living here anymore?"

I had been so occupied with getting things situated before leaving the country that I forgot I had accidentally said something to In-hye on our way to the hospital. She tried hard to connect the dots and I finally decided to tell her.

"In-hye. We decided that we should leave the country."

She couldn't hide her surprise this time as it ran through her shining eyes. "Why?"

"We can't find any job," In-kyung said. "We've been struggling all our lives. We can't continue living like this. I can't help seeing you get hurt every time you go to school!"

I nodded in agreement and In-hye's eyes fell. I reached for her left hand and gave it a soft squeeze. But she sadly said, "I'll be okay. We don't have to leave the country just because—"

"It's not just you," I said. "Many things have been piling up. I realized that our lives will be in danger if we stay here any longer. I don't want us to disappear just because the world prefers to lie and stay in the dark. I've had enough of begging. I've had enough of watching my sisters hide."

In-kyung took her small fingers sticking out of her cast. She gave them a warm hold as she said, "What if we could start again? If you don't want to go, we can always find another way around. But going to the States would be our way out."

A way out. In-hye had a different gleam in her eyes from those words. But as usual, she let all of this slowly settle in her heart. Her mind still tried to connect the dots. I often wonder what that head of hers thinks of so much. This time, she lets us get a glimpse of it as she sadly said, "I have nothing to lose here anyways. When will we leave?"

I knew she was talking about Hyorim. She's been asking me to write her letters because her right hand doesn't work at the moment. I wonder if their friendship will disappear after all this. But In-hye doesn't seem to hate the idea of leaving the country and that's enough for us to continue.

So I decided to take over what was left of our preparations including moving all of In-hye's documentation of school and the hospital to the city where Jongho lives in. I have to go to the school in person so I can retrieve In-hye's files without any problems. They call her in from a class to confirm that I am her guardian.

She enters wearing her red sweater and quiet expression. She doesn't show any emotion when she sees me in the office. Her sad eyes just shine at the woman at the front desk as she asks, "Is she your sister?"

In-hye looks at me and then nods. The woman asks In-hye to stay in the office with me and guides us to a different room. When the woman leaves, I smile at In-hye and run a warm hand down her hair. She tiredly looks back at me as I say, "How are you feeling, sweetie?"

She looks at her cast and then at me. "My hand itches."

"We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so we can get your heart stuff situated before leaving. Maybe we can ask the doctor when you can have your cast off then."

She nods and looks forward again. Despite her lack of emotion recently, my heart still melts at those sad shining eyes. I put my arm across the back of her chair and scoot closer to her. She looks back at me when she feels me come closer and I can clearly see it in her eyes now.

Fear.

"Unnie?"

"Mm?"

I gently wait for her to look for the right words to tell me how scared she is of letting it all go. She hesitates and I put a hand on her shoulder so she can find the strength to quietly say, "Are you sure that leaving is the best option?"

I slightly turn to face her. She lets me have this small piece of her heart and I make sure to hold on to it gently as I say, "Why do you say that? Is it Hyorim?"

She sadly shakes her head. "I've accepted the fact that I may never have the same relationship I had with my best friend. I can still write to her but...what if life is even worse in America than it is here? What if we drown even more and we have nowhere else to go?"

"Hey." I take her hand and try my best to give her the determination In-kyung always gives me. "No matter what happens, as long as we stick together, we can get through it."

Her eyes start to tear up. The last time I saw her this scared was when she had her recent heart episode. I put a kiss on her temple and bring her close. She lets me warmly hold her as I run my fingers through her hair.

"It'll be okay, In-hye. I won't let anything happen to us. I promise. I won't let you or In-kyung suffer ever again."

She sniffles and her whisper seems to make my heart stop for a moment. "Will we ever stop running?"

I swallow down my dry throat. We're escaping one last time. There's nowhere else to go. If America doesn't work...What will be of us?

My parents come to mind and I angrily push them away. No. I'd do anything. I'll jump off that rooftop in my dreams. I'd even sell my soul, but I will never let my heart be betrayed by liars ever again.