Aimless (JJBA)

19 I Deserve Hate

It wasn't often when Jotaro opted to relieve himself at the beginning of the day. Maybe it was the release of stress and added happiness. He didn't know. He just didn't want to be a nuisance, since everyone else was working during the day. He hoped that Kakyoin didn't notice how hard he had gotten from the second hug.

He was in his bedroom in his dorm. He was showering after he finished masterbation. He couldn't help but feel guilty about running from Kakyoin after he was finished being comforted by him.

He left the shower to dress. When he went to his closet, he saw how empty it was. Only a few outfits hung in there. He was basically just a visitor at his dorm, rather than living there.

As he dressed, he questioned why he doesn't just officially move in with Kakyoin? Was he afraid? Was he in denial of what he wanted? Was he afraid of commitment?

Jotaro sighed as he final put on his coat.

Maybe he didn't want Kakyoin to see all the ugly parts of himself.

He went off to work as he didn't want to think about it. All the things wrong with him.

When it was time for lunch, he went back to his dorm. He found his daughter standing in front of the door, waiting. When she saw him, she said, "Hey, Dad. How's it going?"

The two greeted each other. Of course he was his normal awkward self, while she gave him a hug. The two came into his dorm. She got comfortable on his couch.

They talked about their day, even if he didn't say much.

He finally asked, "Do you want something to eat?"

She answered, "No. I ate before I came here. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

He said, "You know cell phones exist, right?"

"I know," she scoffed. "But I wanted to see you. Is it wrong for me to want to see my own father?"

Jotaro almost felt light in his chest that his daughter wanted to see him. Even... Even after she found out he was a whore.

He swallowed. He shook his head trying to get those thoughts out. He knew she loved him unconditionally. He knew that she stayed by his side no matter what.

He was such a hassle.

"I guess there is nothing wrong with that," he said. "What's been going on with you?"

Jolyne said, "I've decided to move on from Hermes. I have to think about myself." She seemed proud of her decision.

Jotaro nodded, "As long as you are happy."

"What about you, Dad?"

"Hm?"

She clarified, "Are you happy where you are now?"

Jotaro wasn't sure how to answer that. He was happy to spend time with his daughter. He was happy to live with the man he loved, despite not being in a relationship. He wasn't weighed down by the depression as much. But was he happy with the way he is? That he found himself unlovable to the man he loved. The only sensual affection he could get was from other men. Should he just be ashamed of himself?

"Are you happy?" Jolyne repeated, this time worried.

He didn't know how to answer that. He said, "Thanks for coming to visit me." He went into the kitchen area to find something simple to eat.

Jolyne quickly got up from the couch. She asked, "Are you asking me to leave?"

Did he want her to leave?