Limerence. (Phan Au)

Day 1: Maudsley's.

"Acute stress disorder." She spoke quietly.

"You need, ah serotonin reuptake inhibitors-"

"SSRIs, yes. And anti-depressants" I interrupted her.

What was with these new nurses, couldn't they read a fucking sheet?

"Sorry, uh I'm-" She fiddled with her pen anxiously whilst avoiding eye contact.

"New. I get it, just give me the fucking pills would you?"

Why did they have to employ the young ones with no experience? It was like this almost every time.

"Sorry, uh."

Softly spoken she reached under her desk to a little clear plastic lunch box containing two little shot glasses filled with medicine.

"Daniel- uh, Dan Howe-"

"Yes, you can read congratufuckinglations, now give me my fucking pills and stop stuttering for fucks sake im not going to hit you"

She opened the lunchbox and placed the cups on the counter and darted somewhere to her right, returning with a plastic cup filled to the brim with water.

"Finally. Thank you"

I Chucked back both shot glasses and chugged the cup of water.

And I walked back screwing up the plastic cup I threw it somewhere behind me and the counter she was sitting at.

I could hear her gasp as I walked off, smirking even though she couldn't see me.

Walking off I kind of think I should've been a little nicer too her. But it's not uncommon to have those nurses I think, the ones who have less than no idea what they're doing. It's fucking stupid.

Turning the next right corner past the physcosis ward, there was pj sitting high and mighty in his favourite chair.

My only friend since I'd been moved here.

His dad abused him when he was really young, all through when he was growing up until he was ten when his mum tried to take pj away from his dad, and in the process got murdered by the bastard. Sometimes I saw Pj staring out of the plexiglass locked windows, I wonder what he thought about?

I wonder if he thought "I could have done something to help"

I wonder if he still wanted to kill himself too.

Because every day since I've been in this hospital, I've been counting down the days until turn 18.

My parents put me in here, and when I turn 18 I get assessed, I can pull that off easily, and if I pass the assessment I can choose whether to stay or go.

Of course I'm going to go, why in the hell would I stay here?

Everyone here thinks Im a useless fuck up with a bad temper, all the nurses, the doctors, the councillors.

So yes, counting days until I turn 18. Because as soon as I get out of here,

I've planned it all, I'm quite excited to be honest.

I'm going to take a massive speaker set to the London bridge, and as I jump from the side railing, I'll switch it to "Falling down" by muse. I thought It was quite a cheeky way to commit suicide, unlike writing a stupid note like my aunt, or my birth mother.

I want to make it big, I want people to watch as I jump.

I want them to know who I am for all the wrong reasons, I want to be the famous boy who committed an inappropriate suicide off the London Bridge.