And They Let Us Be Confused

i swear to god - Cavetown

(Jonathan POV)

I lie in my bed restless, hoping, wishing for somebody to talk to. I can't tell Wyyen, she'll be devastated. I can't tell Joey, he'll hate me. 

I pull my blanket over my head and open my phone. The light is blinding, contrasting the darkness of the room.

The green circles alongside my friends' profile pictures reveal that they're online. It's fair, because of timezones, and It's a win for me, because otherwise I'll lose it. 

I plug some wired headphones into my phone and join their vc. 

It's only Mendez and Frankie though, which is only half surprising, because it's ten o'clock.

They're talking about a restaurant that Mendez went to and complaining about the staff. They're not talking loudly or anything and I feel comfortable just being in that space. 

Mendez stops talking and notices my profile.

"Oh, hi Jonathan." He yawns. I hear some fidgeting from Frankie's mic and his chair spinning.

"Hi."

Some muffled crashing noises sound from the background of Mendez's house and he laughs sleepily. 

"So, how's your day with Yore? Is she as annoying in real life as she is on stream?" He laughs again jokingly.

"No, actually. Plus, she's not even annoying on stream. She's really nice."

Mendez clears his throat. "I was joking. Yore's great."

Some barking rings out in the vc and I hear Frankie shushing his two dogs. I laugh. "How bout' you, Frankie? What's up in Brighton?"

Frankie laughs and the dogs are silent. 

"Not bad, mate. Pretty rainy but not bad. I do want to hear about how it's going there. I remember when I went to her house. She was so chill about it. She really is- She's something, mate."

I nod and sigh. There's a part of me that just wants to tell them every little thing and detail because they're my friends, and I trust them, but it's not fair to Yore or Acey, because they're my friends too. 

Shouldn't they know first? Or should I let them figure things out on their own? I just can't carry a secret by myself. It's hard enough that she's right there and all I have to do is tell her.

"She is."

"Mmmhmm." Frankie sighs. "How-"

"There's just one thing." I interrupt, hoping not to cause drama, knowing it's the middle of the night; and I should probably go to bed; and that it might be the worst decision in my life.

"Acey lives here too. They're literally neighbours, friends, even. They know each other in real life and online and they both don't know it." 

I bury my head in my hands, bracing myself for their reactions. Waiting for them to tell me I'm dumb, that I didn't tell them. I'm stupid, because I don't have the confidence.

"Really? That's awesome, mate."

"Cool."

Mendez sounds half asleep, but Frankie is totally listening. He's fidgeting with something, but that's usually what he does when he's interested. 

I cough, choking on all the words sitting on the tip of my tongue, waiting to be released.

"Yeah. I haven't told them yet. I feel kind of guilty about it, honestly." I sigh and roll over in my bed, pulling my sheets higher over me, as if it could protect me from my thoughts, guilt tripping me into thinking it's my fault.

"Yeah, no, mate. I totally get it. You're scared of how they'll react? Yup, been there." He sighs and I feel a sense of comfort, knowing I'm not only sharing my load with my friends, but they can relate. 

I'm not alone anymore.

I can still hear some noise from Frankie, and Mendez is quietly snoring. Frankie laughs. "Hold up. Take off your headphones. Mendez really needs to go to bed."

I take off my headphones and I already know what he's doing. 

I can hear the muffled noise of Frankie blowing on his mic even though my headphones are off. I place them back in my ears and laugh.

"Bruh." Mendez whines. "I'm awake. Don't do that again, you'll damage my ears."

"Then why don't you just go to bed, mate? Get your head on your pillow, like Jonathan."

I laugh at their ranting and I hear shuffling from Mendez. He leaves the call and joins again on his phone a few seconds later.

"How's that? Ya happy?" He grunts, now in his bed. Frankie laughs.

"Mate, I'm overjoyed."

-*ੈ✩‧₊˚❁- 

Author's note:

Word count: 844 

Awww I think I like this chapter cus I wish my friends were there for me like that... No offense... (Yea u know who u are and ur awesome ;]) 

Sorry for the short chapter I promise the next ones longerrrr

The next chapter made me cry when I was writing it HAHAHA it's not even that sadddd anyway if ur sensitive and u get attached to fictional characters then prepare your tear ducts ig nahh its not even that sad okey uhm quick reminder if you see anything that I can fix or if ur just reading this at all leave a comment it will literally make my day :D

thx super duper so much for reading ur the best andddd mahal kitaaaa <33