I hate you, but I love you

-Chapter 8-

I guess I fell asleep because when I woke up, I was on the couch of Ash’s house. It has been a while since I was last here but it feels so familiar. She was also on the couch on her phone and I was- CUDDLING HER! I quickly got up and looked around in a sort of panic. She just giggled at my funny effort and once she stopped she finally spoke. “First you tried to leave because of me and now you can’t get enough, huh.” I hid my face in my hands and mumbled a “sorry.” “No  big deal if I were you right now I would also want to cuddle with someone for safety, no matter who that may be.”
“By the way I know I’ve said this before but I truly am sorry. You know I was in a bad spot and I was just frustrated with everything,” She spoke. “I know, I should be the one apologizing for my manipulation of the brain, “ I said, still hiding my face. “It’s cool.” She always said things so blatantly and it bothered me because I needed more explanation. I always felt like I was talking too much but clearly she enjoyed my talking too much. Maybe she even enjoyed our cuddle session too. 
She looked at me with that look in her eyes, like she had a question. “What,” I said, sort of giggly. “Why, what else drove you to do it.” The energy in the room dropped. “Ever since she left everything spiraled,” she being my cousin. Not by blood but she felt like a little sister. Like the one who’s there for the bigger sister even though it should be the other way around. “She left me and it felt like it was my fault, like I put too much pain on her and couldn’t help her back.” Just thinking of her made me tear up a bit. It had been a year now since she died but something triggered me. “When the essay prompt was said, I thought of her. If there was one joy I could have shared, it would have been how she made me and others feel. Although embarrassing at times, her hugs never left me. I miss her. Everything about her. Yet my hands could type about her. They refused, whether they were trying to keep what was left to myself or I just didn’t know how to write it. Either way I feel I failed her.”
“That's rough,” she said again in one of her blatant responses to my pain. I guess that’s all she knows because she isn’t good with emotions, nor is she good at verbal communication but one thing she is good at is trying her best. Her only way of comfort is physical contact and gifts which this time happens to be coco and cuddles.
“I think I’m starting to warm up to you,” I say as she wraps a blanket around us and hands me my drink. She hated my corny jokes but in a good way. “Real funny but go to bed dude,” she says so casually as she curls into my arm. The coco is the first thing I consumed in a while so my stomach would hurt in the morning, but I feel now forced to shut my eyes and sleep for the first time in days.

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