I hate you, but I love you

-Chapter 9-

We woke up to an early, sunny Tuesday morning. I look over to the microwave clock in the kitchen and it reads 10am. I assume we aren't going to school today. I also see the girl I'm with, we are yet again, awkwardly close but this time she is the one holding on.
I shift, trying to get comfortable but she does nothing but snuggle closer. Although normally this would make me uncomfortable, it doesn’t. I sit in my silence staring at the ceiling. I want to reach for my hot chocolate but I can’t move. Not because of her but because I froze. I’m stuck like in my nightmares, except this isn’t a dream. This is real life, and my emotions have left me stuck.
I start breathing heavily but try to hide it from the girl who is now lightly snoring and stirring in her sleep. I sit there and decide to just hold my breath. It makes me feel light headed like it used to when I hyperventilated. I set my head down preparing to pass out and then it goes black. I did this plenty of times and normally it's never bad for me in the long run. All that happens is I wake up dehydrated and sweaty which isn’t as bad.
In the darkness I see little but what I do see is an outstretched hand. I also see the bridge and see whose hand it was. It was Ash’s hand reaching for me. The shortest dream I’ve ever had because I woke up to her whispering at me. I guess I wake up pretty easily. “Wake up,” she said in a happy, yet tired voice. “No,” I practically whisper with a raspy voice. “Do you want something to drink?” She asks as if she can feel the pain in my throat right now. “Yes please, that would be great.”
She stood up and walked to the kitchen, ignoring the position we were just in. She took the chocolate with her. I sat there contemplating what was happening but I guess I zoned out because when I came back she was waving her hand in my face and screaming.
“Hello!” she screamed at me. “Hi,” I said, completely unaware of how long she had been there. “Welcome back, here’s your water.” “Thanks,” I said with a giggle. I drank the water which hurt going down but after a second I felt a lot better. “So, are you ok? You were squirming a lot last night,”  Ash said with some concern. “Yeah, sorry there’s just been a lot going on you know.” “Yeah I know, also how is your ankle.” “Fine.” “Okay.”
Our conversion was brief and I could tell she was as uncomfortable as me so I just sat back down and so did she. Her hand shook for a second and I thought she was reaching for something but she simple laid her hand back on the arm rest and pretended nothing happened.
“So umm what are we gonna do, because we aren't going to school?” I said. “Oh- Sleep again?” “Sure I’m down.” I say already drifting back to sleep, but then she flung herself at me and cuddled in. “Ok,’' I said sitting up, “What is this all about?” “Oh I’m sorry I just want to be near you when I sleep so I know you aren’t running to the bridge again,” She responded finally with some reason behind her answer. “Oh sorry,” I responded, making me now the blatant one. “If you are okay with it, can I lay my head back down?” “Sure.”
She laid her head down on my chest again and slowly fell asleep. It made me slightly uncomfortable but I was too scared to say it. Actually I was too scared to say anything at all, so instead I got my phone out and typed a poem.
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Out with a bang or I guess a splat
At the edge of a bridge, the green bridge
It’s green but soon the copper will rust
Early, 7:00, a thursday morning
No one is every ‘round
Watching and enjoy the view
Standing up and preparing
That’s how it was meant to be
But instead I’m here with this girl I used to hate
It’s like the forgiveness quote
“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace”
-Mel Robbins
I forgave her, she may have deserved it a long time ago
But now it has brought me peace
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The poems helped to get my emotions out, but not enough emotions. Ash slowly started to wake up and looked at me. Her eyes were watering and she was shaking. “Are you ok,” I tried to speak softly even though I was still upset. The only thing she said was “The bridge, don’t ever go back.” “ I won’t, I promise. I’m sorry about your dream.” ''It's ok just please don’t go back.” “I won’t, chill out.”

828 words
AN. idk if any of you have watch Manifest but 828 was the plane number so I thought that was cool anyways go watch it bc it's about to be discontinued after season 4 is over ;(