bad in the bones -conrad fisher

ch. 4

"Susannah said so," she says. Susannah says so. Is it always that easy? Do what

you're told because Susannah said so. I wish I had a Susannah. I only had a Judy. An egotistical, materialistic, and manipulative woman who was used up like an old dish rag, tossed in the forgotten laundry. No matter how many chances you give it, no matter how much bleach you throw in it or how much laundry detergent you add, it still comes out stained and frayed.

you're told because Susannah said so. I wish I had a Susannah. I only had a Judy. An egotistical, materialistic, and manipulative woman who was used up like an old dish rag, tossed in the forgotten laundry. No matter how many chances you give it, no matter how much bleach you throw in it or how much laundry detergent you add, it still comes out stained and frayed.

I didn't have a sunshine and rainbows ray of light that could make even the most dismaying tasks seem like the best thing ever. I didn't have a second family to make me feel whole, because I barely had one. I had a Judy. And then I had a Laurel, a hard-working mother, author, and, now, an ex-wife with enough decency and care to take a little almost orphan girl under her wing. I wonder if I wasn't her niece, would I still have a home in her nest?

I finish securing Belly's hat and she adjusts it one more time before pulling on the white gloves, that Susannah told her to wear, and smoothing down her gingham dress. It was baby blue, with tied straps that presented her shoulders like a little present. I remember her picking it out before we left for Cousin's, running her fingers over the hem, and deciding that was the one.

When I go downstairs to see her off, Laurel is waiting in the kitchen. She smooths down Belly's hair and kisses her forehead despite Belly trying to push her away and then they scurry through the front door. When the door shuts, I hear a throat being cleared from behind me. I whip around and Conrad is leaning against the back of the couch with his arms over his chest. "How long have you been standing there?" I ask.

"Long enough to see that longing look in your eye," he says, smirking as he pushes himself off of the couch and walks toward me. I instinctively take a step back and I'm not sure why. "Your mom doesn't kiss your forehead like that?" He's trying to be funny. Make a joke or be playful and tease me but it feels like an ice pick is being stabbed into my chest and I feel like Belly cursing under my breath.

"I don't even know where my mom is, let alone where her lips are going to be," I tell him. His face falls and I can tell he's feeling guilty so I add, "does yours?" He nods and then we're quiet.

"Do you wanna smoke or something?" He asks, kicking his feet at the hardwood floor awkwardly. He reminds me of a middle schooler asking out a girl for the first time. The way his cheeks turned a dark shade of pink and he has to clear his throat to ask me properly.

"Is there anything else you like to do ?" I ask playfully to try and diffuse the awkward tension. It's not thick like the butter you kept in the fridge or pantry. It's like spray butter. Just enough oil and grease to feel it but not enough to make you truly sick.

"I like to play the guitar," He admits and shrugs his shoulders loosely. I narrow my eyes, trying to decide if this tidbit was an olive branch or something he used to impress girls. The kid that doted on him during the year, whispering to their friends as he passed them by in the hall about how good he looks. He holds his hand to me and I realize just how long I have been waiting to reply. He nods to it and I take it. I let him lead me upstairs.

His bedroom was the one next to mine but Jeremiah claimed one further down the hall. Seemingly as far away as possible from Conrad and Susannah. Belly and Steven live down the hall with Jeremiah and Laurel resides next to Susannah. The house was evenly split, probably from the beginning. Little Conrad, begging his mom not to stray too far away and Jeremiah, younger in age but older in spirit, less a mama's boy and ready to be independent. Jeremiah thought it was cool to sleep so far away. Conrad thought it was special to sleep so close.