The next morning I woke up in my bed not remembering how I got there. I looked at the chair that sits by my window and saw my mom asleep.
“mom!” I screamed waking her up. “what are you doing in here? My boyfriend died not me. You don’t have to sit by my bed and watch me sleep. Creep.”
“sorry, how are you feeling?” she said walking over and sitting down on the bed
“numb.” I said. Squeezing the teddy bear Zach got me before he left. 'i thought maybe id wake up and it was just a bad dream.
“His parents invited you over today, if you wanted.” She told me
“nah, ill give them some space.” I said. Rolling over away from my mom. “mom, do you mind giving me some space?”
“oh,yes, honey. Ill be around if you need me” she said and left the room.
I fell back asleep and had a dream about Zach, it was of us getting married. I was dressed in white, walking down the aisle to him but with every step he got further and further away until he was gone and then I woke up. I had my whole future with Zach, it would have been perfect and now its gone. My everything is gone.
I got up out of bed and looked at everything in my room that reminded me of Zach. I had a framed picture of us at graduation last year. In the picture I was smiling like an idiot and Zach was looking at me and grinning. It was unplanned, but my favorite picture of all. That’s the fun thing about love, its unplanned, for the most part. For Zach and I though, we had our whole future planned out. When he was done serving, we were going to buy this little run down house right along the beach. We wanted a summer wedding, right on the beach, in our spot, with a few friends and family. We were going to have two little kids. One boy and one girl. Maybe we shouldn’t have gone against love and planned everything, maybe id still have him. Maybe this is love trying to punch me in the face. Maybe its just life sucking. I just don’t understand why this kind of thing happens to two people who were so happy in love.
I picked up the picture and started crying again. I’m so full of hurt and anger. I threw it on the ground breaking it. I grabbed picture after picture and did the same thing. My mom heard me and ran it and stopped me. We fell to the ground as she held me and rubbed my back.
“its going to be okay” she said tears in her eyes.
“no it wont mommy, I want him here” I screamed.
“I know, I know you do but he’s not and you’re going to have to go on with life. He loves you very much and wouldn’t want you to be this upset. He hated to see you cry” she said. Which was true, he always said his favorite thing about me was my smile. My mom picked up all the broken glass and pictures. I grabbed one of Zach’s hoodies and put it on before getting back up in bed. I wasn’t able to sleep all that night. Zach’s viewing would be tomorrow, closed casket of course. I stayed up that night thinking about him and about Emilie. I don’t have my knight anymore who is going to protect me now.
