Mary P.O.V.
Viktor and I were in my apartment watching some stupid TV show, but neither of us really paid attention. We were talking about a lot of random things when Viktor suddenly seemed nervous.
'Can I ask you something?' He asked, hesitation could be heard in his voice.
'Sure.' I said
'May I know why you never bring your dad up?'
He spoke in an almost whisper. I knew it was bound to happen at some point. I mean it would be weird that I live on my own with my little brother if I still had my dad, right?
I didn't know what happened or why I did it, but I told him all. It felt like we knew each other for years and I could trust him with everything. Even though I couldn't. Or well, I didn't know if I could.
'He was sick, but refused treatment. He felt like time had come for him. I was so angry at first. I couldn't understand how he could do such thing. I mean Tom and I, we both- we were devastated. I think Tom knew exactly what was happening.' I swallowed and continued, it wasn't that I couldn't talk about it, it was just a bit hard, 'from then on it all went really fast actually. He went backwards in a rapid speed. Do you remember the first time we met? At the open dag?'
Viktor nodded and I continued, 'You wanted to know why I was crying, well, I had just gotten a phone call from my aunt. She had found my dad in our house. He was rushed to the hospital almost immediately, but he didn't make it.'
I took a break from speaking, breathing in and out slowly.
'I knew that he was in a lot of pain. And I know that it is better for him this way, I just don't know if it is for me, and more importantly for Tom.'
By now I had tears forming in my eyes, ' And now, I have no idea how to deal with everything. I have no idea if I'm doing it right. I'm so busy lately with work and college, that I barely have any time to do other things. I don't mind doing all these things, but I feel like I don't have time for Tom, and I hate that feeling. I know he needs me, but I'm never there. We never do anything together anymore. He's always in his room, only comes out to go to school, or to eat. I think he hates me for not making time for him, but I just hope he understands one day.'
My voice was cracked and I spoke in a whisper. Everything that I had kept inside came out. All my doubts and insecurities about my life, how I felt about my dad's death, Tom. Everything. I felt one tear roll over my cheek.
'You're unbelievably strong.' He whispered after a long, but comfortable silence. I had my knees pulled up to my chest and had leaned my head on his shoulder; he had put his arm around me. Almost just like we had sat in the park a week or two back. Viktor placed a kiss on the top of my head. I was glad that he couldn't see my face at that moment, as I was sure that my cheeks were bright red because of it.
'Why don't you take Tom to a match? You guys used to do that right?' Viktor suggested.
'Yeah, we did. That's a good idea, I'll ask him.' I said, surprised he even remembered that. We just stayed in silence again after that. Me still with my head on his shoulder and he still with his arm around me.
Viktor now knew almost everything about me. From the death of my parents to my now busy life.
'I think I should go to bed.' I said while sitting up straight again. Which caused his arm to fall loosely around my waist.
'Alright. Good night, Mary.' Viktor said and kissed the side of my head. He stood up and went to his own apartment, leaving me stunned. What was he doing to me? I didn't want this, even if it did feel so good. Maybe it was just a friendly gesture right? No over thinking. It was nothing. This is something that friends do all the time, right? It's no big deal.
Oh, who was I trying to convince? Even I didn't believe myself. Sighing I stood up and went to bed.
Did I want this? Yes. Because it felt so good.
And besides what could go wrong?
There's no harm in it, right?
There was no denying this anymore, I was starting to feel something for Viktor. The electricity that my shot through my body whenever he touched me, could no longer be repressed or ignored. I could no longer deny these feelings, I had to sort them out. I had to find out what exactly this was, and what I wanted to do with it. Because I was not sure about that.
