When I arrived home I saw my aunts car on the parking space in front of our house, meaning she is still inside. What am I going to tell Tom? There are so many questions in my head right now and it's driving me crazy. I parked my car and slowly got out, not really wanting to go inside the house. With Tom close behind me I stood at the front door. Debating on whether I should tell Tom before we go inside or not.
'Mary, are you going to open the door or not?' Tom asked rather impatiently.
'Look, I need to tell you something first.' I said trying not to cry already. I needed to stay strong. I was all he had left now. Trying to figure out how to put this into words we both stood there in complete silence. Letting out a deep sigh I began to speak. My voice shaky, my heads trembling, I finally managed to get out the words.
'Daddy, won't be there anymore when we get in.' Nearly bursting into tears when those words came out of my mouth. I saw Tom looking at me in confusion. He clearly didn't get what I was trying to say.
'I mean that daddy is never coming back, he is with mommy now.' I saw Toms face expresion change when the moment those words came out of my mouth. I stepped forward and after muttering a 'come here' I embraced him in a hug which he gladly returned. After a few minutes of standing there I spoke up again.
'Are you ready to go inside?' To which he only nodded his head ever so slightly. I let go of him and tried to find my key, softly cursing under my breath 'cause I could find it. After finally finding it, I opened the door with trembling hands. Only to find my aunt sitting on floor in the living room crying her eyes out. After I sent Tommy upstairs to shower, I sat down next to her on my knees. She looked up at me at immediately hugged me. I hugged her back and cried silently. Letting the tears flow out. After a few moments my aunt pulled back and smiled ever so lightly which seemed to be forced.
'I should go now.' She said while quickly getting up.
'Are you sure, I mean you can't drive like this. You can sleep in the guest bedroom, or even in mine if that's more comfortable for you.' I insisted.
'No no it's fine. I can drive.'
'Ok..' I began with a little hesitation, 'But text me when you get home.'
'I will.' she said while walking to the front door with me following.
'Drive save.' Was the last thing I said to before she drove off.
I slowly went up the stairs as well. Hoping Tom would be done showering by now so that I can take a shower myself. As for now I really need one. I opened Toms bedroom door and saw him laying on his bed. I slowly closed it again and went into the bathroom. Undressing and hopping into the shower, letting the warm water run down my body. Normally, it would clear my mind a bit. Allow me to think properly again. But not this time. The water couldn't calm me down. If I'm honest, I don't think anything could calm me down right now. So I just got out and went straight to my bedroom changing into my pyjama's, when I heard the door softly open.
'Mary? Can I stay here tonight, with you?' It was Tom.
'Of course you can. Come here.' I gestured for him to come here. I checked my phone one last time to see if I had a new message and much to my relief I had. My aunt came home safely. So I turned off the lights and the television on, but I just couldn't focus. I kept on thinking about what happened and what will happen next. I have to do so many things. The funeral, the house had to be sold, I needed to find a new place and a whole lot more. All these things kept playing in my mind. When it was time to sleep I turned off the television and tried to fall asleep, but my mind wasn't really working along.
I saw the sun rose again the next morning. I didn't get a single minute of sleep. I got up, trying not to wake Tom. When I finally got out of the bed, I went down and made Tom some breakfast. Just when I was done, Tom came into the livingroom and I let him eat his breakfast. I didn't want to eat, I knew I could get the food down my throat anyways. Not now. All in complete silence. We both didn't really know what to say. I decided that it would be better if we got outside, you know, to get some fresh air.
'Tom, do you want to go for a walk?' I asked him while I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
'Yes sure, why not.'
When I opened the door, after getting changed and putting my shoes on, I immediatly felt the hot summer air. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all. It was extremely hot outside, something which I wasn't used to. And I was forced to wear long sleeved clothing as well.
'Shall we just make a walk around the park. I don't feel like going that far.'
Tom only nodded to my words and we were back to silence again. But that was okay, I liked the silence. It gave me some space to think. All these questions were still in my head. When suddenly I felt a bit dizzy. With my hand against my head a walk over to a bench, I needed to sit now. I think it was due to the fact I haven't eaten since yesterdays lunch. Tom sat next to me.
'Are you ok?' I heard concern in his voice.
'Yes, yes, I'm fine. Just a bit dizzy that's all.' I replied. Faking a smile. When after a few seconds I felt the dizzyness go away, I slowly got up again.
'Shall we just go home?' To which Tom only nodded his head again. With that we walked back to the house again, when I remembered I had to go grocery shopping. I let out a frustrated groan. That was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but I had to. So after we got home I grabbed my walled and went out again after saying I was going grocery shopping. There were so many people in that supermarket, I thought it was going to explode. Why did everyone decide to go grocery shopping today and at this exact time? So letting out another frustrated groan I quickly got the few things I needed only to find another extremely long queue at the check out. Really? Finally getting out of the supermarket again I felt another dizzyness coming up. When you thought it couldn't get worse this had to happen again. I was looking for a bench to sit on, when suddenly it all went black.
I woke up in a bed. All the surroundings were white. It took me a few seconds to realize I was in a hospital. There was a woman next to me, who I was assuming was a nurse, doing all kinds of things when suddenly she started talking.
'Hello, how do you feel now?' she asked. My head hurt a lot and I wasn't feeling ok at all. I had no idea what happened. I remember the long queue in the supermarket but then there was a big gap.
'My head hurts a lot and I can't remember what happened. How did I even get here? Can you maybe tell me?'
'Well, you passed out. There was a woman who called an ambulance that brought you here. We did some tests which are usual, and it came out that you had a lack of food. When did you last eat?'
'Uhm..I don't know I can't remember..' I said more to myself than to her.
'Well, you are going to have to eat something before you go home. Make sure you eat enough.'
Again I nodded my head at her and she left. Then I suddenly remembered Tom! He didn't know I was here and probably concerned as hell. I looked around and saw my bag. I quickly got to it, rummaging inside it, trying to find my phone. As I found it, I quickly dialed our home number and waited for Tom to pick up.
'Hello?'
'Hi, Tom it's me, Mary...' I began as I was already cut off.
'Where the hell are you!? I was afraid you were like everybody else..' That completely broke my heart.
'Tom, please don't be worried.. but I'm in the hospital right now. I think I'll be home in an hour, maybe two. Ok?'
'Wait.. what why?'
'I'll tell you later. Bye.' I quickly hung up, not really wanting to tell him.
At that moment the nurse came back with a plate of hospital food. Gosh, how I disliked that. Because yes, I've had some experiences. Luckily for me she only had a sandwich and some fruits. That shouldn't be too bad...
