Barren Crossroads

Let Me Down Easy

Someone was calling to her, but she couldn't hear it, not really, the words sounded jumbled and made up, and Rick just kept staring, his eyes wide and shocked, and scared. So scared, and Kaelie couldn't take it, she couldn't breath, she couldn't think, and she felt tears like fire down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered, over and over she said it, her chest felt like it was caving in. She sank to the cold ground, and wrapped her arms around her legs, rocking back and forth.

She had to get out, she knew she did, but she couldn't see, she couldn't move, and the puddle of blood from the slain child was creeping around her now, seeping into her clothes and staining her skin where she sat. "I didn't know, I didn't know," she started muttering.

She could make out some of the words now, it was Rick, his voice was low and deep, but still scared, and it trembled. "Sarah?" he said, and Kaelie shook her head. Sarah was dead, everyone was dead. "Sarah," he repeated, and she felt his fingers close like a vice on her wrist to pull her arm away from herself and a guttural sobbing noise tore its way out of her throat.

"Don't touch me," she gasped as she choked on her tears. "Don't touch me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

Her fingers were claws now, scratching down her arms and the skin split and tore, more red dripping down to puddle on the street. "Dammit, Sarah," Rick said sharply, and then both of her wrists were caught again and she was hauled off the ground. "Look at me!"

It was a shout and it was that alone that shocked her enough not to rip herself away from his grasp again, she was more than strong enough, and she tipped her head back to look up at him. "Stop. You have to stop. It's over. We're okay. It's going to be okay," he said and she knew he didn't mean it, she knew he knew it would never be over, never be okay, but for the smallest of seconds, she relaxed, and the weight that seemed to be crushing the air out of her lungs eased up.

She let Rick hold her to his chest, because it seemed to be more to calm himself down than her at this point, and he trembled against her. "What was that?" he said finally, pulling away enough to look at her, and his eyes were back to the shrewd, calculating gaze she'd grown used to. "How did you do that?"

She shook her head. "Not- I can't right now. We have to get the child- he shouldn't be in the street. He should never have been- I'm so fucking sorry," she said again, and her voice cracked down the middle. "I promise, I promise, I will answer any question, I'll tell you anything you want, when we're gone. I already told you, I won't stop you from turning back, but I won't let you stop me from going."

Rick stared at her for so long that she wondered if he'd heard her at all, and then he was nodding, his eyes flat, and he bent down, picking up the child's body and cradling him to his chest like a delicate and precious gem. He didn't look around as people came back out of the homes, and he bowed his head as the screaming sobs start up again, ripped from the chest of a woman with chestnut hair.

The woman went to chase after Rick, and Kaelie stepped in front of her, catching her solidly around the middle and going to the ground with her. She held her against her chest, stroking her hand through her hair and murmuring to her as she wailed and clutched at the front of her shirt. "Please, please, please," the mother begged. "It can't- this isn't real, tell me it's not."

Kaelie felt more tears prick at her own eyes and she choked out another I'm sorry and wondered how many more times she was going to have to apologize for getting people killed. They sat there for a while, and Kaelie just kept muttering, apologizing, ragin with her, assuring her that Rick would make sure the burial was dignified, and after a while, the woman allowed her to stand and guide her back to her home.